Accessorize Me!

I am not the most stylish person ever. I know this.

I don’t think I typically am the worst dressed, but I really have a hard time accessorizing outfits. I can find a dress or an outfit that is cute and looks good, but I never know how to put jewelry or shoes with it.

As some of you might know, Mr. A’s best friend is getting married next month. He was the best man in our wedding and is like a brother to me.

A couple weeks ago, we met up with him for dinner and of course, the wedding came up. His family has quite a bit of money and I know that his older sister’s wedding was black tie and a VERY formal affair. I asked about the wedding and it turns out that they wanted to put “black tie” on the invitations, but her parents didn’t think that was a good idea. (Why, I have no idea since this is going to be a big and very nice wedding.)

As soon as he said that, I knew I needed a dress. I had one that I thought I would wear, but it just didn’t seem nice enough. I originally went shopping with the intent of finding a long dress, but all of them looked like prom dresses or entirely too casual maxi dresses. So instead I went with a nice shorter dress that falls right below my knees.

It looks really nice on and I thought with the right accessories, I could make it fancy enough.

This is the top of it. I love the ruffles around the neck and think it adds a fun detail.

So, this is where all of YOU come in!

I need some help. Remember, a fancy wedding at night. Also, Mr. A will be in a tux, so I need to look okay next to him.

I have some nice black peep-toe heels that I think I am going to wear. (I’d show a picture, but I left them at my mom’s so will need to pick them up from her.) I wore them when I was in a wedding as a bridesmaid and I think they will be perfect with the dress.

But I don’t know what to do for jewelry. I am considering hair styles along these lines:

  OR OR one of these

 

Unless, you think this concept wouldn’t look good with the dress? I thought since it is all ruffly around the neck, it would be good to have the hair up and I really like the low and to the side pinned buns. Also, I am getting my hair done at 11am. Wedding isn’t until 5pm and reception at 7pm. I need the hair to last ALL DAY on a hot June day. I have pretty thick hair and I know having it curled and down just won’t last more than an hour.

So that’s the hair question.

Now, for jewelry.

It is kind of low, but it isn’t ridiculous and the ruffles hide some of it.

I was thinking, with the hair style in mind, of doing big dangly earrings, skipping a necklace, but then doing a bracelet.

Yes? No?

And if so, what should the earrings/bracelet look like? Sparkly? Pearls? Black?

SEE?? I am helpless when it comes to this type of stuff. Not a clue.

So please. Help me.

And if my ideas suck, tell me, but then give me other ideas. And if you find pictures, feel free to e-mail them to me at newteacherwife@gmail.com because I need some serious help here! I can’t show up looking ridiculous when my husband will be looking sharp in a tux!

Truth Time: Unemployment

Something I have always strived to do with this blog is be honest. To give as much of a real view of my life without giving away things that could come back to bite me in the butt. I don’t post my name or city we live in. I won’t air our dirty laundry and even some things that I want to blog about, I think better of and decide that maybe I don’t want to deal with those consequences.

But something I worked hard to be honest about was my time of unemployment.

I’m pretty sure it is obvious how miserable I was. Click any of the tags or categories called jobs, job search, life after college, freak out, WTF. There are tons. I would link them, but I don’t think you want 12 lines of links.

But something I found during that time was that I felt very very alone. I felt like no one understood what was going on, what I was going through, how I felt or the emotions I was battling every day.

But here I am on the other side.

In 3 days, I start my workshop training for my graduate assistantship. 2 weeks from Monday, I officially start grad school. Not only is my grad school being paid for, but I will also be getting a pay check. I am on the upside of this year long ordeal.

But it was an ordeal.

I couldn’t imagine that a year later, I would be sitting here, looking over my new school supplies, picking out which outfits to wear, getting keys to my office in the English department at the university. I never thought I would be here.

Unfortunately, I know there are plenty of others who are where I was a year ago.

This is my way of reaching out to YOU.

YOU are not alone. While every situation is different, I at least have some idea of what you are going through.

Whether you are just out of college, if you had a job and lost it because of downsizing or whatever reason, if you took the bar and are waiting for results, if you are underemployed, because believe me, I may have only been unemployed for 5 months, but I was extremely underemployed for 8 months and it was rough.

There was one blogger who I found that helped to just know someone else had gone through this. Ashley from Accidental Olympian Alaskan was amazing. She might be a little embarrassed and be all, “I just wrote my story blah blah blah”. She was the only other blog (that i found at least) that was honest about what being unemployed felt like for people who worked so hard in college and had degrees in fields that should have jobs and not finding anything. For applying for job after job and getting turned down. She was open with her emotions and depression that resulted. And THANK YOU ASHLEY! I told her in a million different e-mails how much I appreciated her honesty. (Ashley, i swear I’m not a stalker, but I think you deserve some acknowledgement! YOU ROCK GIRL!) And even if you have a job, go check out her blog. She has a job now, just moved to Alaska, and posts cute pictures of her dogs and of areas in Alaska that are breathtaking. And she’s pretty damn hilarious.

I am not nearly as eloquent as Ashley. I know that. I’ve re-read some of my posts from that time and they ramble and I come across very pathetic. I know it. It’s okay. But I always wanted my readers to know what was going on. I didn’t want to hide it and make it sound like I was thoroughly enjoying my time at home and being little miss homemaker and didn’t have a worry in my head.

So. Not. True.

I was a wreck. Maybe the first month was kind of fun since we had just gotten married, moved to a new city, had a new apartment. But that wore off quickly. In that first month, I never imagined I wouldn’t have a job for another 4 months.

And yes, the big D word hit me hard. I was not myself for a long time, even after I got the job in retail. I was so underemployed that I felt worthless. There were days that maybe I got out of bed, but only to stay in my pajamas, move to the couch and watch Netflix all day. I didn’t want to spend any money because we were truly living off of student loans. I cried more than I have ever cried. I was short with my husband. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I would snap on my parents when they would ask me how things were going, even though they were being incredibly supportive and knew that I was working as hard as I could to get a job.

I feel I’m rambling.

Basically, I just want anyone out there going through a hard time that you are not alone. And if you EVER just need to vent or talk to someone who has a slight idea of what you are feeling, do NOT hesitate to e-mail me. I won’t think you’re weird or anything. I don’t want anyone to feel isolated during this time. It is hard. I know that. But both Ashley and I are a couple of the stories that prove that it does get better. (I hope that phrase isn’t copyrighted…) And if I have to send you an e-mail everyday reminding you of that, I will. If that will help, I will do it.

One thing. People who haven’t been through this, they really won’t understand. They may empathize, but they won’t truly get where you’re at. My husband, who saw me every day and knew that I was doing everything in my power to find a job, he still didn’t get it. He would get frustrated at times because his new wife, the girl he knew to be fun and outgoing didn’t want to leave the house. Didn’t want to put on clothes or makeup. He couldn’t grasp how I was feeling.

But here I am. I am offering my support. My love. My words of encouragement. It does get better. I promise. Even if it’s 6 months or 12 months or 18 months, it will get better and we are here to help you along those rough days.

And lastly, this new song makes me cry every time. No one dies in it. It’s not about a lost love. But the man in the story of the song is so absolutely desperate that even though I didn’t have kids and a family to support, I can sympathize with his emotions. Take a minute and listen to his story. And maybe take a second before judging someone who is currently looking for a job. If you have one, it’s hard to understand why those of us can’t find one. But it is hard out there. There are millions of stories about people applying for jobs they are so overqualified for and being turned down even though they desperately need the money. It’s my PSA for the day.

Ronnie Dunn- Cost Of Living   (Won’t let me insert video, but this link will take you to it. Give it a few minutes. It’s something close to my heart.)

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Amazed

Words can’t explain my gratitude to all of you.

I never imagined the outpouring of support from yesterday’s post. I thought maybe I came across as a little whiny and you would move on to the next blog you read. But I had to get it out there. I had to write it, and not only write it, but have you read it. Journals never helped me because I knew that it was still inside me, and me alone.

I’m teary eyed and having a hard time finding the words to say to you all.

I know this is a silly blog. Millions of people have them. And millions of people probably have better ones than I do. But you found mine and you read it. And yesterday, you commented. You gave advice. You expressed your support. You gave me warnings. And you sent virtual hugs and thoughts and prayers. You gave me hope when I was slowly losing every ounce I had mustered up to yesterday. You let me know that I’m not alone. That it isn’t my fault. And that you were thinking about me.

And for that, I thank you.

Thank you doesn’t really cut it. It may sound incredibly silly, but all day yesterday, every time I received a comment and read it, it brought a smile to my face and gave me a renewed sense of conviction. You made my day significantly better.

It showed me I can call you guys friends. Again, lame. But that’s how it felt. Still feels.

Maybe it’s the wine, but I’m super sentimental today.

So I’ll quit being a gushing ball of meh.

But I had some questions about your suggestions yesterday. I think every single one of you had amazing advice and ideas, but for some of them, I’m not sure where to look or how to start.

So, I’ll jump right in.

1. Temp agencies. Never really considered it, but I’m all for it. If someone else wants to put my name out there, more power to them. But how do they work? Also, how do I find one? Even more important, how can I tell if they’re shady and should avoid them? I don’t want to end up in a drug house. Or a scam.

2. Volunteering. How did you pick where to volunteer? Where do you volunteer? How do you find places and what types of places, generally, tend to need help? I looked into CASA, but I’m afraid of committing, finding a job, and then not having time to do it.

3. Non-profits. Okay, I understand what that means, but how do you get involved? I know some of you work for non-profits, so how does that work?

4. Political. Someone mentioned political campaigns. Now, I really have no desire to go door to door. That’s so not my thing. But what else might they need?

5. Retail. I worked at a shoe store when I was 16 because two of my friends worked there. How bad is it? Also, and I’m not going to be picky about hours, but will I be working Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and New Years? The only reason I’m concerned is because I’m a couple hours away from family. So, if I was home and working, no big deal if I have to work because it’s a 10 minute drive and they will wait for me. But if it’s 2 hours, I’m afraid I’ll miss every gathering. It’s something I’m looking into, especially since we live less than a mile from the mall, but just curious. (Please don’t think I’m being picky. Just curious what I’m getting into.)

 

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. To those of you who have said you were in my position, thank you for the advice from someone who has been in the trenches and knows the struggle, emotionally and mentally. To those of you with jobs, thank you for telling me how you got those and please don’t think I’m not happy for you. I am. I’m happy you are providing for your family and not having to go through what I am right now. To those of you in my position, know you have a partner in crime. I, logically, know that it’s not my fault and I’m doing what I can. Same for you. We will get through this. No one knows how long this will take, but we will figure it out.

You are all wonderful and know how much you’ve helped someone this week. Treat yourself with a glass of wine or a margarita or a cookie or a pumpkin spice latte. You deserve it.

love you guys.

Honorable

My pride and ego are pretty much shot all to hell.

The thought that a woman, who graduated with honors with a degree in a field that is pretty much always hiring, couldn’t find any job after experience and glowing recommendations, boggles my mind.

At least it did 3 months ago.

Now? It’s a daily fact.

So, I branched out beyond teaching. I started looking for public relations or human resource or customer service positions. All of those involve working with people, which is a huge part of being a teacher. Not only do I deal with students, but parents, administrators, other teachers. Lots of interpersonal skills are required, so I thought those jobs would work. Except I didn’t hear anything.

Then came lower level customer service positions such as secretary, administrative assistant, front desk at a hospital, bank teller. I even have 2 years of banking experience. I enjoyed my time as a teller, so I was hoping I could at least do that since I enjoyed it and it has pretty awesome hours.

Nope.

Then came other miscellaneous jobs. Even applied to be an admitting clerk at the hospital, on a rotating shift, which means over night and weekends sometimes. The requirements? High school diploma or GED.

Still haven’t heard anything.

What. The. Fuck.

I try to keep the cursing to a minimum, but I’m done.

My patience is run out and I have no idea where to turn.

I’ve tried places like Target and Barnes and Noble-nothing. Verizon? Nada. Macy’s? Nope.

These are jobs high school drop outs can get. Why can’t I get a job? And nothing against if you didn’t finish high school, but I have a degree from a good university with an accredited program. I received scholarships. I won awards. I was on the dean’s list every semester for my last 2.5 years.

I’m smart. I’m willing to work hard and I know how act in professional settings and deal with adults in an adult way.

My resume has been looked over and looks good. My cover letters have been pretty good. I’ve checked up on applications and if they received my resume.

I’ve done everything I know to do.

And it’s still not good enough. I’m not good enough.

And then my mom comes out with a gem. I love her immensely and my parents understanding has been a god send because if they were on my case, I would be more of a basket case than I already am.

My mom has said that it is honorable to do whatever it takes to have money for your family. To pay bills, put food on the table, and buy the things people need. She said I may have to look at fast food.

I’m not an elitist and I’m not a bitch. But I don’t think I can do that to myself.

It’s terrible, but I can’t. My self esteem probably can’t handle that blow.

And I know I keep talking about self-esteem. But I’ve already lived through a year of depression and hiding and not talking to anyone because I was so incredibly embarrassed about my situation at the time. I gained about 40lbs in a year. I lost pretty much all of my friends and have no idea why Mr. A stuck with me through it all, but he did and I am forever grateful and in love with the man who loves me no matter what. But what am I supposed to tell people if I have to work at McDonalds? How do I come to terms with that? How do I go to all my family holiday functions coming up and answer their questions when my cousins are doctors and work in university labs and are teachers and psychologists and math phd’s and upper level management at various businesses? Mr. A’s family is even worse. Doctors with their own million dollar practices, engineer for a weapons contractor for the US, business owners, pharmaceutical drug reps chemical engineers, university professors. If the girls don’t have a job it’s because they’re moms and stay at home. Kids are not an option.

I’m already getting back into those slippery and harmful habits as it is.

I try to make myself work out every day and stay out of the kitchen and the snacks. I try to stay positive. I read all of your amazing blogs and laugh at your funny stories, cry with your heartbreak, and revel in your accomplishments.

But I don’t know if I can do the “honorable” thing and still face people.

How the hell do I go to any event with my husband at his law school and tell them I’m flipping burgers? What if I wait on them? I’m afraid I would embarrass my husband.

But what do I do? Mr. A said he would support me if I wanted to go back to school and we would just live on loans. But how do I know I wouldn’t be in this same position with even more debt than the law school debt we already are developing.

Or do I suck it up? Work with high school kids just so I have a paycheck?

I don’t know how to make this decision or how to handle any of this anymore. I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point everyday no one calls me for an interview or anything. These apartment walls are closing in and I can’t seem to find a way out. One things for sure, I will never be a stay at home mom. I never again want to feel stuck. More power to the women who do it. I envy you.

Decorating Help!

This is the bedding we have:

Minus the extra frivolous pillows

(Sorry I don’t have a picture of ours. I have some pictures of the apartment that I need to post, but need to get a few more when my clothes aren’t all over.)

I actually really like it.

However, it’s a tad more boring than I realized. And after falling in love with a yellow and gray pillow at Target, I wish I would have gone with those colors.

But since I didn’t and I can’t go rebuying our comforter set, I have come up with a little project for myself. The room needs some color. However, we live in an apartment and can’t really go painting the walls an accent color or anything like that. (Oh, what I would do if we could paint…)

So, I would like to make a headboard. We don’t have one for our bed, and I’ve heard of other people doing it, so it at least seems like a feasible project.

As far as I can tell, I’ll get some plywood, put some sort of stuffing or filler so it looks a little more full, some fabric, and use a staple gun and put it all together. I have a feeling I am WAY oversimplifying this, so if you have done this or know how, I will appreciate any and all suggestions and tips.

I also need you help with the fabric. Because the bedding is tan and has straight lines, I’m not exactly sure what colors or designs will look good with it.

Here are the choices. I have my favorites, but just because they’re a favorite, doesn’t mean it will really look right. I’ll mark my favorites, but I could really use some input on what you think, or if you have some other ideas!

(All fabric samples came from joannfabrics.com)

Browns: (husband likes the idea of chocolate, but I’m afraid that will make the whole room some shade of brown and even more boring than it currently is.

(All fabric samples are from JoAnn Fabrics

#2

#1 Favorite

# 3

# 4 favorite

# 5 favorite

# 6 love, but not sure how it would work

# 7

# 8

# 9 really like

# 10

#11 Favorite

# 12

# 13

# 14

# 15

# 16

(Had issues getting these to line up next to each other, so this is super long. SORRY!)

So now it’s time for your help. What do you think? Which one do you think would look nice, while adding color? I numbered so it would be easier. Mr. A and I appreciate all help…sometimes we can’t quite visualize it until we see it.