You’re Not Always Right

I am currently on fall break. That is one thing about my job/career field I wi never complain about since I get holidays, random breaks, and summers off. Am I usually still working during those times? Yes, but in sweatpants, with kitties, and SATC on my tv. After 5pm, probably with a glass of wine as well.
However, I’m dreading going back to work on Thursday. (Yes, I only have classes/teach in Tues/Thurs this semester, but believe me that those days are killer and was not my original choice.)
It’s not the amount of student papers I will be getting back or the amount of reading I am behind on for my classes or the fact that I still haven’t finished y thesis outline.
None of that is fun, but I did that to myself.
No, I’m dreading it because I seem to work in a department where everyone else is right all the time. They even know what I like and what I’m thinking or what my opinion on something is.
I should just hire them to write this damned thesis and be done with it, since they seem to know everything .
Granted, I think this happens in most grad programs. Put a bunch of smart people together and they feel the need to be “right”.
But this goes beyond discussions of authors and critical theories and interpretations. They like to tell me I’m just wrong on what I donor don’t like.
For one, my focus is on contemporary and late 20th century lit. It’s fascinating and bonus, not many people have written on them so I don’t have to wad through 70 years of criticism to see if my idea is original or been explored before. It’s what I love and think is important.
But I also understand and respect people that study and love the classics and earlier literature. I know it all has value. Doesn’t mean it’s what I want to do, buy I’m not going to put down anyone else’s preference for century.
But I don’t get the same respect. I, for one, don’t like Jane Austen. I just don’t. But I get argued with that in wrong.
Yeah, my opinion is wrong.
Not trying to enlighten me on how she is relevant today or how her character development can draw you in.
No, I’m just wrong.
Downton Abbey? Same thing.
Drinking 5 nights a week? I’m just boring.
Coffee early in the morning? What’s wrong with me?
The fact that my husband and I choose to spend on our money on us and our home instead of blowing it as soon as I get a paycheck at Target and the bars? Wrong. (Someone actually told me that I was dumb for preferring to spend myomeres on date nights with Mr. A instead of buying new clothes every month. Yeah…)
And I’m just so effing tired of it all.
This is one reason I no longer hangout with a certain group of people because I was tired of having to agree with the ringleader all the time, even when I didn’t, or knew for a 100% fact that she was wrong.
I’m an adult. Adults can disagree yet remain respectful and still be friends.
Apparently this concept escapes many of my fellow TAs and it makes me insane.
And don’t even get me started on political arguments discussions. I got caught in the middle of one already and I know it’s just going to get worse as the election draws nearer. I may start hiding and working in the bathroom.
Too bad our secretary insists on continuing conversations with you as you are in the stall. Awkward.
Since I’m already swarmed and stressed, I think I’ll take a page from the obnoxious undergrads and start wearing headphones but have the music so loud that everyone else can hear. At least I won’t have to hear them tell me my taste in music sucks.

* excuse any typos. Written on my phone.

Polite

Well, if you follow me on twitter, you know this week was not ideal. At all. I have ALL my classes, both teaching and taking, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And on Thursdays, I am at school, busy, from 8:30am until 8pm. NIGHTMARE.

So as I’ve started the new semester, I’ve been sorely disappointed.

To start, I really did enjoy the summer with much fewer students and people in town. So there’s that.

But mostly the attitudes and behaviors have been appalling.

And while most of my encounters are on campus, this is a college town and the campus/college community is very prevalent.

On Sunday, after my first 5K on Saturday, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure as a treat and looking nice for my first week with students. They were busy, which is expected since it was move in weekend, so I wasn’t the only one trying to get spiffy for the new semester.

I only wanted a pedicure. There was a young girl that had walked in 45 seconds before me, but she wanted a full set AND a pedicure. This salon is not very big and you could tell they were a little frazzled having as many people in there as they did. A pedicure chair opened up, and a nail chair was going to open up in a minute. (The woman had paid and they were just running her card.) The nail woman came over to get me to put me in a pedicure chair and I had heard them say that they were going to put the young girl in the nail chair, and by about the time they got both of us finished, she could move to my pedicure chair. This way, they got two customers out of the waiting area and into spots and kept things moving.

Well. The girl threw a fit. I mean, screaming and yelling in this small salon about how she was there before me and how dare they try to seat us out of order and all of that jazz. So many curse words. So much yelling.

I was mortified and since I was just trying to get out of the house and such, I calmly approached the employee and told her it was fine to go ahead and seat the other girl and I would just wait. The girl started to yell at me because when I stood up she thought I was going to go take the chair anyways. I finally had to turn around and say, “I’m giving you the chair, but I’m calmly explaining it to the employee if you can just wait a minute.” Well this pissed her off too so she started yelling about me and how I was rude and blah blah blah. I just talked to the employee, and sat back down and let her go on her way. She finally quieted down and I was just trying to end the situation. Several of the other customers thanked me and apologized and thought I was being sweet.

I was just shocked at HOW over the top enraged she became. They even explained to her that she would be sitting at the nail chair, and she refused to comprehend logic and instead decided to make a HUGE scene. I’ve blogged about it before, but the sense of entitlement of the newer adults is shocking, and quite frankly, worrisome. How can they expect to go into the real world and function? They WILL be told no at some point. They WON’T get everything their way and when they want it. Life is about compromises and understanding and being kind to fellow humans.

Or am I the only person that was raised this way and tries to still live their life this way? I’m no saint and I can get aggravated pretty quickly about certain things, but if I can help or make something easier on others, I try to do so. At the very least I don’t start screaming at an employee when all they are doing is trying to get customers seated.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only incident I encountered this week.

Like I mentioned, on Thursdays I have class until 8pm at night, and I only have one 1.5 hour break. I was starving yesterday, so I ran over to the student center to grab something before my 2.5 hour night class. Unfortunately, the only place still open was McDonalds.

Now, to understand this, you have to understand how and why our student center McDonalds is a little strange. When you walk up, it looks a bit chaotic and hard to know where the line for ordering is. See, you order, then you go to the back of the area, and wait for them to call your initials, which means you have to then go back to the same ordering counter to pick up your food. Admittedly, it took me a couple times to figure it out. Basically, you have to ask people if they have ordered or are waiting for food. A little bit into the semester, most students have the system figured out and people will tell you where the actual ordering line is. No big deal.

So as I’m walking up, I’m looking around to see which people look like they are just waiting or actually in line.

There was a girl in a wheelchair, towards the back of the McDonalds area, but also close enough to other people that it looked like she could have been in line. So I asked her, kind of figuring she was waiting, but as soon as she looked at me, I could tell she was a freshman and rather confused. She said she hadn’t even ordered yet, but people kept walking in front of her and she didn’t know where to go.

Are you effing kidding me people?! You know you kind of have to ask who’s in line and who’s not, but you won’t ask the girl in a wheelchair before just cutting in front of her?!?

I was mad for her, but I pointed her in the right direction and then got in line behind her.

Fine. Dandy.

But as I explained, the line is kind of a cluster and people have to then come back up for their food and it can get crowded. So the girl ordered, but then she obviously needed just a little space to turn her chair around and get out of the ordering side. She was skilled with the chair and really only needed another customer to slide over about two steps. She politely said excuse me, and as I believe, we should go out of our way to be polite and accommodating to those who need it. Not in a needy way, but because it’s the nice thing to do.

The other customer got all huffy and started talking about the girl and how she just needed to get out of everyone’s way.

SERIOUSLY?!?!

Had she not walked away at that moment, I would have said something. Maybe I should have followed her and said something, but the girl looked embarrassed as it was and like she just wanted something to eat and to leave as quickly as possible.

But, is this where we are as a society? And yes, I know, a college campus may not be the best place to judge the larger community, but these are the people that will soon be a part of that larger community and will be in workplaces and other public places and if they can’t treat people kindly in the small interactions on their college campus, what are they going to do outside of it?

Am I the only one seeing behaviors like this? And if not, am I the only one just disgusted by it?? I just can’t wrap my head around where people get the idea that it’s appropriate to treat others this way, so dismissively and rudely.

I just want to show people or somehow get people to realize that it isn’t that hard to be polite to others. I’m not saying to be a rug to be walked all over, but polite and kind and show some level of compassion for anyone other than themselves.

This has really been on my mind and I just don’t know what to do about it all.

So, from me to you, I’m sending happy vibes your way in case others aren’t as nice as they should be.

Purgatory

These last two days have been just as I assume purgatory might be: boring, frustrating, pointless, but unable to leave.
The new GAs have had to be in training all last week and through Thursday this week. Thankfully us returners only have 3 days this week, but knowing I have to sit through one more day of pointless sessions, makes me want to scream and then run away.
Yesterday was just angering because they told us we are mandated to use four different kinds of software programs and their duties overlap and it’s pointless to have to keep attendance and grades in four different places.
Also, they couldn’t get their act together and have the same answer on anything and it was just ridiculous.
Today was just so incredibly boring. It was basically how to use a computer.
Would you have thought that if you can’t remember your password that you should click the “forgot password” button? You did? And you didn’t have to sit through a two hour training session? You must be smarter than a room of graduate students.
There were also the stupid and repetitive questions that made things just drag on even longer.
I’m fairly certain my eye roll skills tripled today.
Tomorrow will be the sexual harassment session, and after last year’s explosion, I may have to bring popcorn this time. Then again, I would imagine most people don’t want a repeat so they will probably keep their mouths shut. Bummer. Would be the only excitement of this three day torture marathon.
Tomorrow is also the meet and greet with faculty. I signed up and then realize it wasn’t mandatory and basically no one is going. Not excited but looks like it would look bad if I didn’t show. Meh.
So if anyone has any Good books to recommend, I would appreciate it because I have another 7 hours of awful tomorrow that I need something to keep me occupied.

Can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

Holy hell.
I am so angry tonight.
The tragedy in Colorado has been nagging me all day. Not in a “I’m trying to insert myself into the tragedy for attention” sort of way. I really haven’t talked about it except on social media and to express my condolences. (and complete outrage at a company that tweeted that Aurora must be trending based on their latest dress style).
But in a “I can’t wrap my head around this” way.
Now, I love social media. I have been able to interact with some amazing people and even meet some of them and they have become close friends.
But on a day like today, I nearly deleted all accounts.
It wasn’t buy a few hours after the terrible news was breaking as Americans all across the country were waking up, expecting reviews of the summer blockbuster, but finding that we were hit with yet another senseless act of violence, that the insensitive tweets began.
Statements about his possible political affiliations began. Jokes about its relation to the election.
The usual gun control debates started, just as they do after any tragedy like this. (not saying I disagree, just another piece of this day long puzzle)
But then a certain strain of commentary just rubbed me the wrong way.
As the news began to discover details, it came out that a 4 month old and a 6 year were in the theater. Mixed reports as to if they were hot or not and I don’t want to spread false news.
But instead of expressing grief for the parents that (may) have lost their children or at the very least, were traumatized by the event.
No, people were blaming the parents for taking their kids with them.
In a normal situation, questioning this might be reasonable. If the baby started crying during a midnight showing of a movie I was eager to see, I would be annoyed.
But this is not in anyway a normal situation. The parents were probably traumatized and horrified and terrified.
For people to then criticize their parenting choices is tactless. This is not the time. It hasn’t even been 24 hours.
For all we know, they had a babysitter that bailed. They were given last minute tickets and believed their child would sleep through it. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision, but they are probably already upset and grieving and hurting and they don’t need strangers pulling the “holier than thou” card on them.
Why do we feel we have to judge and criticize others’ decisions, especially during an event such as this.
Stop it. Just stop it. Shut, wait 48 hours before critiquing the victims. I’ll still be mad in 48 hours, but at least there would be the smallest amount of time for the shock and grief to move past.
Yes I’m on a soapbox, but I can’t take the rude, insensitive comments anymore. Be human. Have a heart. Sympathize for others’ pain. And maybe, for once, keep your obnoxious comments to yourself and think how you might be affecting others.

Shouldn’t Be Left Alone

Originally, I envisioned this post to be about how I maneuver in an airport, especially when I’m alone. I’ve done this a couple of times and I pride myself on being prepared and not being the  dumb girl with too much jewelry on and fumbling through security checkpoints. I keep my id out and wear shoes that are easily removable and very minimal jewelry. I have my liquids pre-bagged and ready to be set apart. I wear clothes that don’t look like I’m concealing anything and I try to look like the mature and thinking adult that I am.

I assume you know where this is going…

I’ve only been in the airport for 30 minutes and all I want to do is hang my head in shame and I’m wondering if I can get facial reconstruction in the airport so the others that were around me, won’t recognize me.

Or I might just buy an Obama mask and call it a day.

For this trip, I decided not to mess with arranging drop offs and pick ups with my parents, and instead I would park at one of those places across the street from the airport. I had a coupon and I like feeling wholly independent. Also, when I get back, I want to just hop in my car and get back to my husband.

First off, I somehow managed to take the wrong exit. No big deal. No one else around me knew and I just looped around and figured it out.

But as I pull up, I realize that the type of parking I was planning on using was full, but they put the signs so close up to the entrance, that by the time I realized it, I couldn’t turn around and I had a car behind me.

Luckily, they had valet roof still available, so I didn’t have to park it, but it wasn’t covered so it was only going to cost me about $1.50 more a day. Fine. I can handle that.

But then I am apparently an idiot when it comes to reading signs on ticket machines and I kept fumbling trying to figure it out all. Then I, of course, didn’t park in the correct spot because I simply misread the lane signs.

Again, I am an idiot.

The nice man didn’t laugh at me, at least to my face, and helped me get all my bags to the shuttle. The driver was nice and the shuttle was full. One guy had on a polo from my undergrad, and we had a nice little chat about our awesome basketball season that ended too soon. Everything was great. Until it came time to get off the shuttle.

You see, I never carry cash. I just don’t. I am rarely in positions where I am tipping separate from paying for a service, and therefore I usually put the tip on my card. And today I had cash that my husband wanted to make sure I had. But it was a large bill.

So I couldn’t tip the very nice shuttle driver that helped me with my bags.

I looked like a moronic high school girl running away from the shuttle while all the other passengers tipped and thanked.

MORTIFIED.

But my embarrassment doesn’t stop there. Oh no. That, while embarrassing, I could deal with. I would just hope that he was the driver when I came back and tip extra.

As soon as I got off the shuttle, I was practically in a line for curbside check in. Everyone was doing it and seemed good to me.

Again, a very nice and funny gentleman greeted me and went to print off all my stuff and get the tags for my bags.

Again, realizing too late that this was another situation where people tip the bagging guys.

I always check in inside, where people don’t tip, so it never even occurred to me until people all around me were getting out small bills and I heard the workers saying “Thanks for the tip!”

Repeat: moronic girl running away, mumbling thank you and trying to hide the red creeping up my face. (I’m  still not convinced that my bag will make it on the plane…)

Of course the people that were on the shuttle were in line behind me at curbside check in and I’m more than positive that they saw the entire thing. Effffff

Sidenote: I get embarrassed easily, especially if I deem it something that makes me look rude or impolite or improper. I relive the scenarios in my head and turn 5 shades of red all over again.

So as I ran to get into the security line and hoped and prayed that enough people got in line after me, before the people from the shuttle, i just kept thinking how awful I must have looked to all of these workers when I am known for giving very good tips. I want them to know that I appreciate their hard work in a not so glamorous job.

As karma would have it, I wasn’t done yet.

As I walked through the metal detector, it beeped. I just started to laugh thinking I had left my phone in my pocket or something or that my very small and discreet jewelry had set it off.

Nope.

I was “randomly” selected for additional screening.

……

Seriously?

I of course assumed this meant I was going to be embarrassingly patted down and the poor TSA women who had to pat my sweaty self down.

I don’t think it was in any way random since it had to do with my laptop, but the woman made it seem like I had said some word you never say in an airport. She was making a much bigger deal than it needed to be, which only added to my embarrassment. So I had to stand behind some red line, looking like I was in timeout, without shoes on, and wait while they diligently searched my laptop, even though I took it out of the bag and put it in its own bin, so I don’t really know what the deal was. She wiped some sheet on it and had it analyzed in a machine. No clue what it was for or what they were checking for, but I passed. Thankfully.

I guess karma was just letting me know that it knew I had been rude and needed to be put into place. Also, my chips and salsa taste burnt, but I hate leaving so much food as waste, so I’m begrudgingly eating them.

PS- went to the bathroom for the first time today and realized that the shirt I’ve had on all day is a little see through. I had student conferences all day. And talked to our program director. And department chair. I think I will just hide in my hotel room for the night since I can’t be trusted to be in public.

 

 

[[ADDED]] The trip got worse, but I have to get ready, but I will be sure to write all about it tonight. WOWZA.

Game Plan

So you remember when I wrote this post? (The same misspelling rules will apply for this post. Sorry in advance.)

Yeah. It’s happening.

Tomorrow.

I just want to scream.

It’s never-ending. People are angry on both sides. The e-mails keep coming. Overt threats from superiors keep happening. It’s a nightmare.

Of course, I’m on the side of the quieter group. We’re not going on strik. But we don’t personally dislike anyone that is. It’s fine. Whatever. I will still be more than happy to work with you and talk with you and I will still say hello to you in the halls. Basically, nothing changes about the person in my mind.

HOWEVER, the other side seems to have no such consideration. AT ALL.

We keep getting e-mails basically saying that if we aren’t on strik, then they want nothing to do with us.

It has gone so far as to threaten our grades, degrees, and jobs. Yes. I actually got an e-mail saying this. Shit is exploding all over the place here.

Luckily, I’ve had a couple conversations with f@culty and 98% understand that as TAs, we’re in a weird position and will in no way evaluate us differently or affect our grades based on what we do when tomorrow comes.

But really??!?

For one, it’s illegal. Illegal on so many levels.

Also, they refuse to see our side.

Our side that needs our paycheck. That can’t afford to get our pay docked. The fact that I signed a contract and I agreed to work. I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING. Why are you complaining AFTER your signed the contract? You can read. You knew. This just baffles me to no end.

Also, WE ARE TEMPORARY an PART-TIME. We, in no way, deserve the same benefits that full-time f@culty receive. We’re transient. And no, the school should NOT be paying for he@lthc@re for our familes. WE ARE PART TIME.

Basically, I do not agree with what the TA uni@n wants. I don’t.

And I will reiterate- I am not anti-uni@n. I FULLY support the f@culty and their complaints and they should strik since the administration seems to ignore them.

But as a TA, I have a job to do. And I’m not going to strik for things that I am opposed to.

And f@ir sh@re?!

The uni@n goes on and on about how much fees are and how unfair the administration is, but then they take stipend increases off the table and ADD f@ir sh@re to our fees?! They are just hurting the people they “represent”.

And if I get told that I’m only complaining now since the strik is tomorrow, they are wrong. I, and others, have sent numerous e-mails and attended meetings to tell the uni@n how we feel and we are shot down, belittled, told we are wrong and dumb and have no morals.

Oh yeah. The administration has offered pretty good deals. The uni@n has never once brought it to the members to vote on. They aren’t looking out for anyone. They are just as money grubbing as the rest, only the administration isn’t telling me that I have no right to talk and that if I even have a question about something that I am “espousing anti-uni@n rhetoric”.

Sure has been all sunshine and rainbows around these parts I tell ya.

So that’s where we are.

My husband will be walking me and my friends to class on Friday. We’re a little nervous because of the combative and hostile environment that has been created. We don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m sure I’ll be called all sorts of things. Too bad they don’t have a dictionary, because I am NOT a sc@b. I am not covering anyone else’s classes. I am just doing my job and what I believe in.

So we shall see.

I’m fairly anxious and edgy. I can handle being screamed at when I’m doing what I know is right for me. My professors know that I support them. My friends know my heart and know why I’m doing what I’m doing. I can only hope this ends well. And without Mr. A punching someone. He gets a little defensive.

I’ll keep ya posted. Too bad all my anonymity is about to be thrown out the window… Le sigh.

 

**Again, apologies for the spelling goofiness. Trying not to end up on the uni@ns radar. They already keep calling and showing up in my office to harrass me. I would like for my blog to be left alone.

Not Daddy’s Girl

And I always thought my family didn’t have much drama. I think I was just trying to ignore it. Or even when something would happen, I would forget about it for a few months until something else happened.

But today…I don’t know that I’ll forget this one.

And I know I’m going to blog this and people are going to think that it’s not that big of a deal. And maybe this one incident isn’t, but it’s a culmination of things and this has just pushed me over the edge.

I’ve never hidden the fact that I don’t like my stepsister. We don’t mesh. I think she’s rude and self-centered and I can’t stand her. I’m not alone in this assessment either, but whatever. We don’t get along.

Now, I understand my dad trying to make sure she feels included in things. (She’s 21 btw…not a little kid.) My dad’s usually pretty good about those things, so fine.

But over the last two years, he knows a million more things about her life than mine. I had to annoy and pester to get him to complete the two different tasks he had for the wedding. His only daughter’s wedding.

He knows who her friends are. What classes she’s taking. All sorts of things. I brought three friends home a few weeks ago and I bet he couldn’t tell you any of their names. He has no idea what I’m taking. He probably doesn’t even really know what I’m doing in grad school.

I also have an older brother. My dad and brother have always been close. But that’s fine. B is 7 years older than me, they are both into the same music and play/played in bands and have similar sense of humor. For some reason, even thought it used to at times, it doesn’t bother me as much. B wasn’t a “threat”. Dad still had a daughter and we just had a different relationship.

Until my dad apparently developed dementia and thinks my stepsister is his real daughter and now feels no need to include me in anything at all.

You see, my dad and his friends and my brother all go to this place every year. They rent cabins and go to a show on Saturday and they grill and hangout and have a good weekend. They look forward to it every year. Well, last year, my brother and his girlfriend had broken for a little bit, and B had an extra ticket to the show, so I was invited to go. Awesome. My dad’s friends are like extra uncles- they have been around my entire life. They are fun and I love seeing them. My stepsister was also invited last minute, but she was on fall break and whatever. Fine.

Well, this past weekend was the weekend away again. I knew it was coming. I was a little bummed that I wasn’t invited, but I figured dad assumed I wouldn’t want to spend the money on it. I am a grown up now and can’t expect dad to pay for everything, and if I had gone, I would have wanted to pay my part.

Until I get an e-mail today from my dad with the group picture they take every year and my stepsister is in the picture. (It’s taking all restraint I have to not have a million curse words in this. My text message to my brother did not contain such restraint.)

Just thinking about it makes me tear up and simultaneously want to punch someone.

I KNOW she didn’t pay her part. And, somehow, even though dad had talked to me about the trip, never once mentioned that she was going. Funny how that happens.

I’m beyond hurt. I feel empty. I feel like I’ve been replaced. My dad HAS a daughter. It’s just not the one he saw being born or took pictures of her on her first day of school or the girl he consoled when her first serious boyfriend broke up with her. It isn’t the girl he had nicknames for and went to choir concerts for. Nope. it’s the girl he’s know for less than 4 years. The girl who is rude to most people. But hey, she happens to be a theater major and does plays, so at least he has something to brag about, right? What do you say about the girl that was unemployed for 6 months, worked in retail for 8, and is now in grad school for English? No one gives a shit about that. That’s not impressive to his business contacts. No. Completely understandable why he’d trade us out.

I’m just done. I’m tired of feeling unwanted. I’m tired of feeling like a guest in the house I lived my entire life. I’m tired of not knowing what’s going on in the family. I’m tired of feeling like a needy 10 year old in family conversations, just trying to get any morsel of acknowledgement. It hurts too bad.

So maybe this Christmas business will be easier this year. Maybe I just won’t worry about trying to schedule time to see him. He already buys her really awesome presents and I get crappy sports team hoodies in big sizes. Guess it doesn’t hurt that she’s a size 4 and 5’10”. Yeah. I’d probably pick her over me too.

Hiding in the Corner

Sometimes I hate political things. Hate them.

And I really try not to discuss them much on the blog. They are too polarizing and people are emotionally attached to their ideals and people get mad and defensive.

But I’m currently smack dab in the middle of a situation and it’s all I can think about.

It’s distracting me from work. I can’t focus. I avoid conversations with certain people in fear that they will bring it up. I’m tired of being judged for just doing what I’m here to do. I’m tired of feeling pressured. I’m tired of not being able to get unbiased facts from either side. I’ve spent nights in tears talking to Mr. A about this. My close friends and I have spent countless hours discussing every freaking aspect, and for the most part agreeing, but there are areas of contention.

All of the uni@ns at my school have authorized a striek. (I’m spelling things this way in hopes that a Google search doesn’t bring this up. I will also refer to the graduate assistants as TAs to also not bring up my school’s uni@n stuff.)

Now, I am not necessarily pro or anti uni@n. I live in a state where you can be in one or you don’t have to be. This whole thing never came into my little world until recently since both of my parents work in jobs where they don’t even come up. I don’t even have a clue where my parents stand on uni@ns since it simply didn’t come into the realm of my life. Mr. A feels one way, but I am more in the middle. Do as you wish. Whatever. Is this a good stance? Don’t know, but it’s how I feel. I have other soap boxes to stand on.

So here I am, finally in grad school and getting to teach and learn from amazing professors, and I’m getting thrown into a uni@n battle.

The TAs have one, as do 3 other groups. They are arguing about contracts and benefits, as most of these arguments are about. I agree that the fakulty have some very good and valid reasons for being mad. I agree with their arguments. But guess what? I’m not fakulty. I don’t deserve the same benefits as them. I do not really agree with the TA argument. A couple issues I agree with, but not even the majority of their complaints.

Also? I read, understood, agreed, and SIGNED a contract. I knew ahead of time what I was getting and what I wasn’t. I’m pretty freaking happy with what I’m given. They pay for school and I get a pretty decent paycheck. Am I rolling in the dough? Not at all, but I’m also not starving. We’re fine.

But if people are mad and want to bargain, fine by me. Do as you wish.

But now they have voted to authorize a striek. They haven’t called one yet, but the uni@ns have voted that they will.

And it’s causing all kinds of uproar. People are passionate one way or the other, for the most part.

I went to the info meeting last week, and well, if nothing else, they persuaded me NOT to join. They were incredibly combative and confrontational and aggressive, and just overall rude. This is not me being anti uni@n. This is me being anti THIS uni@n. Again, the fakulty have some real complaints that needs to be addressed and I fully support them. But that’s not me.

Also, I can’t afford to not get paid. And I don’t want to pay the dues each month because while we aren’t starving, I would like to use that $20/month to go out to eat with my husband or get a manicure or buy a new shirt. That may seem dumb to some, but it’s how I feel. If I felt that I was being mistreated and abused, then yes, I would put the money towards the uni@n. But I don’t, so I’m not.

So now I’m in this weird place. Many of my colleagues are planning on strieking. I’m not. Will I cover their classes? Nope. Not in my contract and I’m not, contractually, allowed to work more than I currently am. I won’t become a replacement. But I WILL continue to do the job i was hired to do and I will enjoy every minute of it. I like teaching. It’s why I’m here.

Do I want to cross the line? Not really. But since I’m not in the uni@n, I don’t have a choice since they CAN fire me for not showing up to work. My friend and I are going to dress down in sweats and baseball hats in hopes that we look like students and walk together to our classrooms. We don’t want to seem unsympathetic, but we also need to get a paycheck and want to teach our classes. I’m hoping to find some back door to sneak into or getting there crazy early in the morning to avoid getting screamed at, but who knows. They haven’t called for one yet, but from the e-mails I keep getting on both sides, neither side looks willing to back down. I’m concerned that it could get violent simply from the rhetoric that has been used, but until then, I’m planning on carrying on with business as usual as much as possible.

Maybe this is an unpopular stance. I don’t know. But this is what I feel deep inside that I am supposed to do.

This isn’t some flippant view or position I have taken. I have tried to gather as much information as possible. I’ve tried to talk to people and get all sides, but nothing is simply factual. Everyone has an agenda. So I had to look within myself. This is the decision I have come to.

I hope and pray on a daily basis that they come to some sort of agreement before it comes to a striek, but I’m not all that optimistic about that.

They can call one as early as Thursday. And who knows how long it could last. The head of the school seems pretty determined not to back down and, from everything I’ve read, they will not be pushed into a decision.

And neither will I. I cannot allow bullies on either side to push me. It may seem like I’m taking a side, but only because I want to keep my job. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t join the uni@n but stay home if they do call for one. But I’m not allowed that option, so this is what I have to do for my family, however small it may be.

So I guess I’m asking for all of you to pray, hope, send good thoughts that it doesn’t come to a striek. It will get nasty if it does, and we all know I’m fairly emotional. I will do what I need to, but doesn’t mean that I won’t be an emotional wreck while doing it.

And everyone thought this blog would only be about silly students and my precious cat. Boy were you wrong.

Hindsight

Naive is never a word I would normally use to describe myself. I may seem like a goofy girl sometimes, but I’m always watching, always paying attention, always checking my surroundings.

I spook easily and it doesn’t take much for me to have that gut feeling that something isn’t right, even when there is no real reason for me to think that. I’m just jumpy and I have way too much of an imagination for my own good. I also read too many murder mysteries growing up.

But after last night, I’m just….uneasy.

My undergrad was in a small, safe town. I would run the loop at 10pm without a second thought. You see people walking across campus at night and I have never heard of an incident. If I wanted to leave the fraternity house before my friends were ready, I would just walk back to my dorm alone. It never even crossed my mind that anything would happen. When the ice storm hit and half the state was without power, it was as organized as an event like that can be. The school made sure the students would be warm and safe and taken care of. No problems.

But last night, for some reason that I still have not heard why, the power went out to most of this city, including the university.

2 friends and I were in the library when it happened. Being in a huge building like that and then having it go pitch black is a little creepy. But the generators kicked in and the emergency lights came on, which in the library, made it still bright enough to work and read. We stayed for a while and then decided to call it a night.

Our campus is surrounded by woods, and even has woods in the middle of campus. As we left the library, the full impact of being on a campus without power hit us. We were going to go up to our offices and drop stuff off, but one look at the massive building with dark hallways and we decided we would just go to our cars.

After the hours of 4pm, students with certain car tags can park where the faculty do. It had been raining, so we all parked in the covered parking garage. I assumed the university had generators and had some sort of emergency lighting.

Nope.

That parking garage was absolutely pitch black. You could not see a foot in front of you.

As we were walking up to it and realized it wasn’t lit, we started making jokes, but I think we were all trying to act tougher than we actually felt. It didn’t help that we could hear other students talking, but could not see anyone.

We all safely made it to our cars and we all drove home slowly, despite the fact that I almost hit a kid because he figured he was a pedestrian and the fact that there were no street lights and that he was wearing all black didn’t matter.

But as I drove past the largest dorms, which are a block from my apartment, I saw no less than 30 police cars with lights on and a couple ambulances. I called my friend who had to drive home the same way and we just wondered if a student was hit or if because of the power outage the police came to the dorms since it looked like the ONLY light was in the stairwells.

I heard sirens through most of the night,  but again, assumed it was college kids not willing to take turns at the intersections without power.

However, it turns out there was a small scale riot last night.

Well, the school’s official word is that it was an impromptu party that got out of hand, but that is just bs.

When over 1,000 students are breaking out in fights, shooting off fireworks, (some insist gunshots went off as well), breaking into cars and just destroying things, it’s not a party. 3 kids were taken to the hospital in ambulances. One girl was driving and stopped at an intersection and some guys broke into her car. (She was able to drive off, but with a shattered window and pretty shaken up.)

It has been a bit of an eye opener today. I guess I am naive. I never imagined that the power going out would cause problems like this. Even worse? That walk through the parking garage could have landed us on the front page of the news. Last night, I was creeped out, but the thought of any actual real danger just never occurred to me. I’m used to college campuses being a safe place.

Not so much anymore.

Next time, I’ll be calling campus police to escort me to my car. And I guess I really do need to buy some mace since I tend to work better at night and at school than during the day or at home.

Maybe this just makes me a little less naive. Just sad that “school” is no longer a safe haven.

End of the Summer

Again, I apologize for my terrible blogging. But it’s for a good reason this time.

I have been having a freaking blast finishing off my summer.

Wednesday was the last day of workshop. The sexual harassment session became its own beast and some issues within the department became evident, but that thing deserves its own post and I’m still waiting to find out about a few more things.

But, it was over. Thankfully. I learned a lot, but like any training time, lots of it could have been shortened and there was NO need for it to be a week and a half.

Despite training being long and boring, I have met some of the greatest people. I have made some fantastic friends who crack me up. My group leader was so nice and the big group leaders were thrown into their positions last minute, but they did a great job and I know if I have a question, they will be more than willing to help.

So, to continue the fun and to get ready for the school year, M and K came over to my apartment on Friday for a lesson planning party before heading out for the night.

We didn’t really get much lesson planning done. We DID create our blackboard accounts for our classes and filled in our gradebooks. We discussed a couple things and asked a couple questions, but we then decided we needed a Target trip. Target rules all.

M’s friends from home came down, so we all headed out to dinner then to get ready for the night. I was so excited to take them to my favorite bar. And hey, they had $6 mixed drink buckets on Friday nights. It was going to be an awesome and cheap night out.

Nope.

My all time favorite bar in Cville is under new management and no longer has their drink buckets. They no longer have their rail drink specials.

LAMEEEE

It was pretty much dead. All night. And that place used to be wall to wall packed by 9:30. Hopefully it picks up because the other bar options aren’t my favorite.

BUT. M and I decided to meet up with a couple of her other friends at the “undergrad bar”. It’s not only undergrads, but it’s 19 and up and it always has a much younger crowd. I had never been, but had heard about it.

I have never felt so old in my life. And I’m only 24.

We both were entirely too covered up and not drunk enough. Girls were in painted on dresses and I saw more butts and other things than I ever needed to see. We kept getting looked at like we were aliens since we weren’t showing all of our personal space to the bar.

But, it may have been the best place on earth to people watch. Holy cow. I know I didn’t act like that when I was in undergrad.

And…since when did mom jorts come back in? And I’m not talking about cute jean shorts. Full on mom jorts. We saw at least 4 girls wearing them. Ridiculous.

All in all, it was a good night. We’re fairly certain we will see some of these kids on our classes tomorrow. Which will be even more awkward for them since 99% of them will be freshmen and shouldn’t have had that beer in their hands anyways.

Saturday.

Oh Saturday.

We all headed to the best breakfast place around before heading out to go hiking. We didn’t know which trail we were going to do, but decided to do the moderate one which was a mile and then the rugged trail which was just over a mile.

First of all, this area of the state is SUPER hilly. You don’t think that when you think of us, but it is. Crazy hilly. The moderate trail was about to kill me because my legs were just killing me.

However, there was also some amazing sights. There are some cool rock formations and cliffs and we all had fun climbing all over the rocks. We saw the biggest daddy long legs that I have ever seen in my life. Pretty sure they have been living there since the dinosaurs and have just been chillin’.

Everyone still thought the rugged trail was a good idea. My legs were already sore and a little shaky, but I wasn’t about to be a party pooper, so I went with it. it was amazing until we came to these rock steps that went straight up for 100 yards. Pretty sure we all thought we were going to die.

And then I had the only injury of the trip when my foot slipped on some moss and my knee slammed into a rock. It’s all kind of scraped and bruised, but at least I got it doing something fun.

Then, the winery happened.

We all got cleaned up and headed to one of the best wineries around here. We live right in the middle of a huge wine trail and there are probably 20 different wineries within a 45 mile radius.

There were about 12 of us and we were all just joking and having a good time. A wedding was going on so we were having fun making fun of the absolutely horrific bridesmaid dress and the late guests that showed up. But the bride was stunning, and other than it being super hot, they had a pretty day for it all.

However, the outdoor area is on a slight hill. This is important to the story.

K was sitting next to me. She is a riot and we were making jokes and she likes to mimic people’s hand movements. The problem is that I tend to use my hands when talking as well, and we both motioned at the same time. She had her wine in her hand and I ended up making her spill her entire glass all over her shirt and side of her face.

I. Was. MORTIFIED.

I felt absolutely terrible and I was embarrassed. So what do you do when you’re embarrassed?

You start laughing uncontrollably. I was crying and we were all laughing.

And then it happened.

I leaned back a little while laughing and my chair fell backwards and my feet came up and over my head and I rolled down the hill.

Yes people.

I rolled down a hill. At a classy winery. While a wedding party was taking pictures feet away from us. Mind you, I was not even drunk.

I shall let you pause while you imagine this scene. (There were also about 200 other people outside enjoying the winery and the sun. )

I just laid there, on the ground, in the grass, laughing uncontrollably and dreading having to get up because then I would see all the people staring at me.

Our group was all crying laughing. I have never been so publically embarrassed in my life. My husband was considering possibly never taking me out in public again. I think K forgot that I just spilled wine on her since I had just rolled down a fucking hill at a winery.

I keep repeating it because I just can’t believe it’s true.

But I have the worst purple bruise on my arm to remind me.

So that was the end to my summer. I spent it with fun new friends. I explored our area a little more and made an ass of myself. Good end, no?

So tomorrow is my first day with the college kids. I’ve spent time figuring out how to look tough so that maybe they will fear me enough to do what I tell them to. I’m betting they figure me out by Wednesday. Here’s hoping I don’t fall in front of them!