Full Moon?

Today has been a weird one to say the least.

I woke up around 9 (Yes. I have MWF off. I like to sleep, so I slept in. Yes, I live like an undergrad. Might as well while I still can).

About 9:30, my dad called. He told me that he would be in town for work and that he would be free around 4 and wanted to stop by. It was fine with me, but we had laundry everywhere, dishes in the sink, hadn’t dusted in weeks. Last week kicked both of our butts and this weekend did not go as planned, so house hold things got put on the back burner.

So I freaked out because my dad is a bit of a neat freak. His house is usually always in good order and I didn’t want to hear comments about me slacking as a wife or whatever.

I had planned on spending today lesson planning. Instead, I did 5 loads of laundry, scrubbed the kitchen, vacuumed, hand vacuumed the steps, dusted the entire apartment, straightened up the place, folded 5 loads of laundry and put everything away. No idea why, but it did take me all day and our apartment isn’t that big.

But while I was doing all of that, Mr. A had a big important lunch meeting and I was anxiously awaiting his call.

When he did, I wanted to scream from the roof tops out of joy!

Why you ask? Because Mr. A got the internship for the spring!!!

SO MUCH EXCITEMENT.

He will be doing actual attorney things and it can very well lead to a job, or at very leas, a fellowship next summer while waiting on bar exam results and such. And he will be making fantastic connections and I am so effing proud of him. He works so so hard, but hasn’t always had the best of luck with some things panning out, so I couldn’t be happier that this worked out for him and I know it is a HUGE weight off of his shoulders.

He will be living at one of my parents’ houses and I should be able to make my schedule Tues/Thurs so if I want to go go or he comes down, I will have Fri-Mon. Also, he will only be 2 hours away, and knowing how wonderful this opportunity is, I will make the sacrifice for a semester.

So that was amazing, but of course we got some more bad news about his dad, so it was hard to balance being out of my mind excited, but also dealing with that drama.

But then my dad showed up and this was the first time he has seen this apartment, so I am happy that Mr. A and I have been working on making it more of a home for the last year and it doesn’t look completely like a college apartment.

Now, my family is one that doesn’t really talk about finances beyond “You should be saving your money”. I have no clue how much my dad makes or what his financial situation is. I have a rough idea what my mom makes, but not much more than that.

So when my dad started asking us what our student loan situation was, I was a little confused and kind of waiting for a lecture on it all.

But then the conversation quickly turned to how many miles were on my car and all of that. Now, I drive a 12 year old Toyota that has over 230,000 miles on it. Yeah. That’s a lot. It was my mom’s before me and when she gave it to me in 2005, it had roughly 80,000 on it, but I was going to school three hours away and made trips home fairly frequently, so the miles racked up rather quickly. 

Long story short, my stepsister is taking her mom’s car that is a 2012, I’m taking her car that only has like 65,000 miles on it and is a very reliable car, and any money we can get for mine will go towards paying for the car since hers would have some value if they decided to sell it. Eventually, we’ll pay my dad back for the car, but he put off us paying for a little over a year, and should circumstances prevent us from being able to afford it, he said we’d work it out.

I’ll be cleaning out my car tomorrow and hope is to list it by this weekend and hopefully by next week I will have a new car!!! (Or new to me, but anything is better than mine at this point.)

And the other weird part of yesterday?

Remember when I told you guys that Mr. A and I decided to go on a cruise over Christmas break since it will be our last break together?

He gets a text message last night from a good friend (and those of you that know me IRL can easily figure out who this person is, but PLEASE do not say anything about it either to him or on FB because it isn’t being publically announced just yet, but bc of logistical issues, we were told. Again, trusting you folks.). Mr. A then asked me when our cruise was, but wouldn’t tell me why he was asking.

When I told him the date, he got a strange look on his face and then proceeded to tell me that his good friend had set his wedding date for during our cruise.

Not only just set a wedding date, but the wedding will be in India.

I’ll let you soak that in for a minute.

……………

This guy was one of our groomsmen and has been a friend of Mr. A’s for a very long time. So Mr. A needs to go, but we can’t really afford for both of us, just with flights alone. So Mr. A and his other good friend (who were best men for each other’s weddings) are implementing the buddy system. Neither wife is going as a way to save some money. But believe me, Mr. A has been told he needs to be bringing me back some sweet stuff from India.

But what about the cruise?

Well if he gets to go to India, I am surely still going on my cruise. I decided to ask my MIL if she would be interested/would be able to go because she is a lot of fun and I’m sure I could handle being with her for 6 days for a beach filled vacation. She said she would check and last night she sent me a text saying that I had a cruise buddy and that she would be working on passport paperwork this morning.

SO. Yesterday was just bizarre. So many weird, but good things going on and this next year will be a bit of a whirlwind.

Now to just hope and pray and cross fingers and toes that next year we both have jobs and that we aren’t unemployed and living in a box. Because we all know I need my hair straightener and access to twitter. ;o)

Return Policy?

Some days I wish there was a return policy on parents.

Harsh? Yep. How I feel? Yep.

Mr. A and I both would like to trade in for different dads. Our moms we love to the moon and back and they are amazing.

My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship and it’s just gotten worse in the last few years. I don’t want to get too much into, mostly because I’m having a good night and if I talk about it in too much detail it will rapidly turn into an angry sob fest.

But, the core of it all is that my dad wants more to do with my brother and stepsister than me. I’m not saying it for sympathy. There are facts that prove it’s true.

My mom doesn’t really put it into those terms, but says that he and I “aren’t in sync”, whatever that means. If nothing else, I’m the stepdaughter, and not my stepsister.

And if I’m being honest, along with this summer’s events, it’s why I’m in therapy. My therapist is amazing but this is a problem I’ve had for a very long time and it won’t be resolved any time soon.

My poor mom has had to endure my crying, sobbing, yelling fits so many times, she deserves an award. Sometimes I need her to try less to get me to see his side or gain some understanding, and just be on my side, but she is doing what she thinks is best when I get into those moods.

Mr. A…well, he got the shaft in the dad department. He just did.

Now, before I go any farther, there are some of you that read this that know Mr. A and myself in real life, on a personal level. I write this blog for me and because it’s a space I feel I can say what I want. If you are one of the few people that I interact with regularly, I told you about this blog because I trust you, so please don’t go talking about this stuff, especially concerning Mr. A.

His dad never wanted a son. He wanted a drinking buddy and they have had a very rocky relationship.

Within the last two years, it has gotten so much better. Not perfect, but we were no longer living in Mville and it felt like they were getting to some sort of normal father son relationship.

But within the last two months, shit has hit the fan, and it really hit hard this weekend.

Since it’s not my father, I’m not going to give details, but it’s so incredibly angering all that has happened.

Mr. A is embarrassed and angry, but it’s also his dad and he feels pulled and unsure of what to do or how to say no. My MIL and I are just afraid his dad is going to try to pull Mr. A down too and we won’t be  letting that happen, even if it means my FIL no longer likes me.

Mr. A and I have a family motto. “Team ‘Smiths’” (Not our last name, but you get the point.) It’s our reminder that he and I are a family and we have to make decisions for our family and do what is best for us and that will help us to meet the goals we have for our family. Yes, parents are family, but Mr. A and I are a very close team and we have to work hard to get where we want to be in life.

And if we have to distance ourselves from my FIL, we will.

Am I trying to come between them? Not at all. But I can’t let him ruin everything we’ve worked for, everything Mr. A has poured his blood, sweat, and tears into because he can’t think beyond the immediate and makes horrible decisions. He doesn’t think about anyone else. And that’s fine, but if it’s going to interfere with our life and all we have going for us, we can’t allow it.

Mr. A feels the same. I’m not being the bitchy wife. I normally brag up and down about my in-laws. And my MIL is a saint and more than makes up for the crap his dad has done to him his entire life. Mr. A agrees. He just still wants to help if possible, but this time, it is very quickly not going to be something we can help with without wrecking our goals for life.

I know we can’t pick our parents. It’s the luck of the draw. Because of that, I honestly believe that Mr. A and I were meant to be together in order to make up for those gaps and problems in our own families and we now make our own team and our own family and work towards not repeating the mistakes of our dads.

While logically, I wouldn’t trade in my dad because without him, I wouldn’t have had these experiences and maybe would do the same things in the future or to someone else or to my future kids. It’s a piece of me, that makes me who I am and I will (eventually) be stronger from this. I just pray Mr. A can get through this, as unscathed as possible, and to not let his dad set the guidelines for his future. It’s what I’ve been praying about every since yesterday morning. Team “Smiths” will get through this.

(But maybe a month long exchange program? Could that be developed?)

Can we go on our cruise now? Maybe a two week cruise without phone service and maybe some of this crap will be solved while we’re gone. If only…

Polite

Well, if you follow me on twitter, you know this week was not ideal. At all. I have ALL my classes, both teaching and taking, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And on Thursdays, I am at school, busy, from 8:30am until 8pm. NIGHTMARE.

So as I’ve started the new semester, I’ve been sorely disappointed.

To start, I really did enjoy the summer with much fewer students and people in town. So there’s that.

But mostly the attitudes and behaviors have been appalling.

And while most of my encounters are on campus, this is a college town and the campus/college community is very prevalent.

On Sunday, after my first 5K on Saturday, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure as a treat and looking nice for my first week with students. They were busy, which is expected since it was move in weekend, so I wasn’t the only one trying to get spiffy for the new semester.

I only wanted a pedicure. There was a young girl that had walked in 45 seconds before me, but she wanted a full set AND a pedicure. This salon is not very big and you could tell they were a little frazzled having as many people in there as they did. A pedicure chair opened up, and a nail chair was going to open up in a minute. (The woman had paid and they were just running her card.) The nail woman came over to get me to put me in a pedicure chair and I had heard them say that they were going to put the young girl in the nail chair, and by about the time they got both of us finished, she could move to my pedicure chair. This way, they got two customers out of the waiting area and into spots and kept things moving.

Well. The girl threw a fit. I mean, screaming and yelling in this small salon about how she was there before me and how dare they try to seat us out of order and all of that jazz. So many curse words. So much yelling.

I was mortified and since I was just trying to get out of the house and such, I calmly approached the employee and told her it was fine to go ahead and seat the other girl and I would just wait. The girl started to yell at me because when I stood up she thought I was going to go take the chair anyways. I finally had to turn around and say, “I’m giving you the chair, but I’m calmly explaining it to the employee if you can just wait a minute.” Well this pissed her off too so she started yelling about me and how I was rude and blah blah blah. I just talked to the employee, and sat back down and let her go on her way. She finally quieted down and I was just trying to end the situation. Several of the other customers thanked me and apologized and thought I was being sweet.

I was just shocked at HOW over the top enraged she became. They even explained to her that she would be sitting at the nail chair, and she refused to comprehend logic and instead decided to make a HUGE scene. I’ve blogged about it before, but the sense of entitlement of the newer adults is shocking, and quite frankly, worrisome. How can they expect to go into the real world and function? They WILL be told no at some point. They WON’T get everything their way and when they want it. Life is about compromises and understanding and being kind to fellow humans.

Or am I the only person that was raised this way and tries to still live their life this way? I’m no saint and I can get aggravated pretty quickly about certain things, but if I can help or make something easier on others, I try to do so. At the very least I don’t start screaming at an employee when all they are doing is trying to get customers seated.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only incident I encountered this week.

Like I mentioned, on Thursdays I have class until 8pm at night, and I only have one 1.5 hour break. I was starving yesterday, so I ran over to the student center to grab something before my 2.5 hour night class. Unfortunately, the only place still open was McDonalds.

Now, to understand this, you have to understand how and why our student center McDonalds is a little strange. When you walk up, it looks a bit chaotic and hard to know where the line for ordering is. See, you order, then you go to the back of the area, and wait for them to call your initials, which means you have to then go back to the same ordering counter to pick up your food. Admittedly, it took me a couple times to figure it out. Basically, you have to ask people if they have ordered or are waiting for food. A little bit into the semester, most students have the system figured out and people will tell you where the actual ordering line is. No big deal.

So as I’m walking up, I’m looking around to see which people look like they are just waiting or actually in line.

There was a girl in a wheelchair, towards the back of the McDonalds area, but also close enough to other people that it looked like she could have been in line. So I asked her, kind of figuring she was waiting, but as soon as she looked at me, I could tell she was a freshman and rather confused. She said she hadn’t even ordered yet, but people kept walking in front of her and she didn’t know where to go.

Are you effing kidding me people?! You know you kind of have to ask who’s in line and who’s not, but you won’t ask the girl in a wheelchair before just cutting in front of her?!?

I was mad for her, but I pointed her in the right direction and then got in line behind her.

Fine. Dandy.

But as I explained, the line is kind of a cluster and people have to then come back up for their food and it can get crowded. So the girl ordered, but then she obviously needed just a little space to turn her chair around and get out of the ordering side. She was skilled with the chair and really only needed another customer to slide over about two steps. She politely said excuse me, and as I believe, we should go out of our way to be polite and accommodating to those who need it. Not in a needy way, but because it’s the nice thing to do.

The other customer got all huffy and started talking about the girl and how she just needed to get out of everyone’s way.

SERIOUSLY?!?!

Had she not walked away at that moment, I would have said something. Maybe I should have followed her and said something, but the girl looked embarrassed as it was and like she just wanted something to eat and to leave as quickly as possible.

But, is this where we are as a society? And yes, I know, a college campus may not be the best place to judge the larger community, but these are the people that will soon be a part of that larger community and will be in workplaces and other public places and if they can’t treat people kindly in the small interactions on their college campus, what are they going to do outside of it?

Am I the only one seeing behaviors like this? And if not, am I the only one just disgusted by it?? I just can’t wrap my head around where people get the idea that it’s appropriate to treat others this way, so dismissively and rudely.

I just want to show people or somehow get people to realize that it isn’t that hard to be polite to others. I’m not saying to be a rug to be walked all over, but polite and kind and show some level of compassion for anyone other than themselves.

This has really been on my mind and I just don’t know what to do about it all.

So, from me to you, I’m sending happy vibes your way in case others aren’t as nice as they should be.

Purgatory

These last two days have been just as I assume purgatory might be: boring, frustrating, pointless, but unable to leave.
The new GAs have had to be in training all last week and through Thursday this week. Thankfully us returners only have 3 days this week, but knowing I have to sit through one more day of pointless sessions, makes me want to scream and then run away.
Yesterday was just angering because they told us we are mandated to use four different kinds of software programs and their duties overlap and it’s pointless to have to keep attendance and grades in four different places.
Also, they couldn’t get their act together and have the same answer on anything and it was just ridiculous.
Today was just so incredibly boring. It was basically how to use a computer.
Would you have thought that if you can’t remember your password that you should click the “forgot password” button? You did? And you didn’t have to sit through a two hour training session? You must be smarter than a room of graduate students.
There were also the stupid and repetitive questions that made things just drag on even longer.
I’m fairly certain my eye roll skills tripled today.
Tomorrow will be the sexual harassment session, and after last year’s explosion, I may have to bring popcorn this time. Then again, I would imagine most people don’t want a repeat so they will probably keep their mouths shut. Bummer. Would be the only excitement of this three day torture marathon.
Tomorrow is also the meet and greet with faculty. I signed up and then realize it wasn’t mandatory and basically no one is going. Not excited but looks like it would look bad if I didn’t show. Meh.
So if anyone has any Good books to recommend, I would appreciate it because I have another 7 hours of awful tomorrow that I need something to keep me occupied.

Back on Track

Today was the first time I had to hang my head and send an e-mail to a professor that I am embarrassed of.

For those that have been around, you know I’m starting my second year of grad school for my master’s. That means that I am working on a thesis since I want to go on for my PhD and most schools want a thesis, not comps scores.

Middle of last spring, I was super motivated and typed up a big long thesis proposal. The professor I wanted to work with is going on sabbatical this fall, and I was a little nervous he wouldn’t want to take on another project. However, I had a little edge over others.

Mr. A graduates in May. That means we could be moving who knows where for a job for him. So unlike many other master’s students that could possibly stretch this out for an additional third year, I don’t have that luxury. I HAVE to be done in May. That means a thesis written, revised a million times, and defended by May.

So I have an extra push to get this business done.

So after hearing my proposal, some discussion, and realizing that I would not be wasting his time by dragging this out any longer than necessary, he agreed.

I should also mention that I adore this professor. He is brilliant and kind and encouraging and studies/teaches the same subjects I’m interested in. I feel honored that he agreed to be my thesis director, and also a bit nervous and do not want to disappoint him.

But, as you all know, this summer was…not ideal. Stepmom did that terrible thing that I try to block out and any sense of normality for me went out the window.

I was still having tot each my summer class, be a student in a very intense 4 week summer course, along with all the other responsibilities an adult has. Add in the additional stress of that event, and any spare time I had I was trying to relax and regain sanity.

Well, since professor is going on sabbatical, we had agreed that I would have a very detailed, 8-10 page outline for him by the start of the semester.

Guess who doesn’t have that, or even anything remotely close to that?

*hangs head in shame*

So I emailed him this morning to apologize and ask if he wanted me to send it to him once I got one done, or to just meet with my second reader and get her input on it all and we would meet again in the spring.

He hasn’t responded yet and my stomach is in knots because I feel like I let him down. Mostly, I’ve let myself down.

Motivation to do anything more than absolutely necessary has been minimal and I need to get my act together. I have only one semester of classes left and then a semester of thesis hours and I have to be completely finished in those two semesters.

Hopefully he understands and isn’t regretting working with me. I WILL have a lot to show him when he returns in January and hopefully he is impressed. Hopefully.

So any thoughts of motivation and encouragement that you can spare, would be greatly appreciated. Mostly so I don’t have to hide from him come January. And so my husband doesn’t kill me for not being ready to graduate in May.

Weeks Ahead

Hello again. The last week of the summer session was crazy busy on top of some added family stresses. I then left the very next day to go visit a good friend of mine in Wisconsin, so I’ve been gone.

Of course, the day I got back, I got emails sharing both our pre semester training schedule and my new teaching schedule.

As for the training, well, it’s……special.

It will be three days where an office mate and I will sit in the back, try to contain the rolling of our eyes and find other ways to stay awake. Plan is to brainstorm lesson plans and to print short stories so we look engaged.

Now, I am typically a rule follower. I take a million notes at trainings and am actively engaged.

But when I looked over the schedule for the three days, there is only ONE session that looks even remotely helpful. The rest are being run by either people that have no business training others or about subjects that will only help/affect about 5 of the 95 GAs. Add in that last year was a total cluster, and I’m just trying to do things to keep me from quitting in those three days. I love my job, but this training will be pure torture. And not helpful.

I even have to help lead a session, but there are 3 other people on the panel for a 45 minute presentation and none of the other three will get with me or talk about what the hell we’re supposed to be presenting. Doesn’t help that 2 of them are from a group of girls that can’t differentiate between business and personal and if I won’t have my head up their ass in the personal, then they will screw me over in any way possible in the business. OH, and one of them hasn’t even taught the class we’re presenting about. Her section got cancelled. Again: cluster.

My plan is to be quiet and if someone asks me a direct question, answer as best I can. I can tolerate anything for 45 minutes. Or so I hope.

As for my new teaching schedule…it’s good and bad.

Good, because I no longer am teaching sections at 2 and 3 on MWF. NO one wants to be teaching at 4pm on a Friday. Certainly not me. No wonder they had to cancel those sections. When I last checked there were only 5 and 6 students registered for them.

Bad, because now all of my classes both taking and teaching are on Tuesday/Thursday. On Thursdays, I go from 9:30am-7:30pm with only a 1.5 hour break. I’m guessing on Fridays I will be SUPER unproductive.

Also, teaching 101 instead of 102. I have mixed feelings about this. 101, strangely, allows more variety in writing assignments, but the theme for this year is TERRIBLE. 102 is basically all research and can get tedious VERY quickly, but there isn’t a set theme.

Overall, I think it’s a better thing. Yes, it will be rough to have 5 classes those days, but then I can work on my own stuff the other three days. It will be a change from what I’ve been doing, and for my last semester of classes, I think a change will be nice.

Training starts Monday and then school starts the following week. Not a whole lot of free time left, so I’m trying to enjoy what I have left. That is a little more difficult since our mattress which was supposed to be delivered by today, won’t be delivered until late next week. Sleeping on the floor isn’t nearly as fun when you don’t have any other choice.

BUT, positive thinking on my end. I have a week and a half to relax and try to enjoy the rest of my free time, which will involve lots of kitty snuggles and fun reading.