Category Archives: Useless

Moving Party

So, I’ve been feeling stalled with this blog. I felt I’d outgrown it, or at least the name. This blog has followed me through a lot, but I’m looking for a new start. And one where I will actually blog again.

So I’ve started a new one. It’s over here. Check it out if you want. I’m hoping to do some new stuff and see what happens.

 

Thanks for following all this time and helping me along the way and I hope you will continue on this journey with me!

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Influenster:Beauty Blogger VoxBox

Blah blah blah. Grad school is slowly draining my soul. Blah blah blah.

Nothing new around here.

EXCEPT…this fun thing:

BBVoxBox

A couple of months ago I heard about a website called Influenster. It’s a fun website when you can earn badges based on things you are interested in and have experience with. You can write reviews, answer questions, and fill out surveys all about your favorite items.

And it isn’t all just beauty items. They have stuff for foodies, candy lovers, spirits enthusiasts, nature lovers, fitness gurus, and many many more.

Every month, they send out a box based on certain badges to members who have qualified. Everything is free and they send you boxes of fun products for you to sample and review.

This month’s box was a beauty blogger box and I was one of the lucky ones chosen to receive it, and let me tell you, it was fantastic!

First of all, it’s either full size items, or if it’s a sample size, it’s big enough for several uses to really determine if you like the products.

So, first up is the Boots No. 7 Night Cream:

bootsnightcream

I really like this stuff. I have super dry skin and this stuff is great. The first night I used it, I did have some excess drying, but I also have SUPER sensitive skin, so after another couple of nights, my skin feels great. It feels the tiniest bit oily at first when I put it on, but after about 5 minutes it soaked in and, again, I love it.

Another item in the box were the Goody Spin Pins:

goodyspinpins

New. Love. I have really thick hair and to do ANY kind of updo, I single handedly keep the bobby pin industry in business. For our wedding, when I only had half my hair up and nothing intricate, i pulled out 45 pins. 45. Yeah. It’s nuts.

But these babies are fabulous. I have used them and they held up all of my hair in a bun amazingly. It was very cute and stayed all day. I forgot to take a picture of it, but it was wonderful. These babies are on my new must-have list and I strongly recommend them!

Another of the fun items was the New York Color Individual Eyes Compact:

NYCeyeshadow

Now, I know a lot of you use really expensive makeup. I don’t go all out, but I do use stuff that isn’t bought at a Target. That being said, I might know where some of my next eye makeup is coming from. I really liked this compact. I had actually never used an eye shadow primer before and I will be doing so from now on- it made so much difference. Also, I love me a smoky eye- I’m not always excellent with execution, but I’m working on it. The colors were sharp and didn’t look chalky or cheap. I really thought this was a great product, and for the price it’s definitely getting added to my lineup.

I also received Not Your Mother’s brand Kinky Moves Curl Defining Cream:

NotYourMothersHairCream

I usually wear my hair straight. I have thick hair, that tends towards frizziness. It’s naturally wavy, but not a pretty wavy, so a straightener is my best friend for not having crazy hair. However, I have always loved, when on rare occasions and with lots of mousse, I could get my hair to be kinky/pretty wavy. I think it’s fun and something different. And now that I have discovered this product, I think I will be doing it more often. First off, it smells fantastic. So many hair products smell, well, product-y. This doesn’t. Also, it really helped my hair stay pretty wavy and not be frizzy and all over the place. It didn’t feel too heavy on my hair and I loved it. Again, my thick hair meant I still needed some mousse for it to hold (I use a half can of hair spray every time I try to curl my hair…), but I needed much less and my hair looked pretty cute, if I do say so myself. 🙂

As soon as I opened my box, I smelled the Bath & Body Works Candle:

BBWCandle

I received a miniature candle in the Mahogany Teakwood scent and it is phenomenal. I am incredibly picky with scents. I don’t like pumpkin or cinnamon or vanilla and others are iffy. When Mr. A and I found a scented holiday candle we liked three years ago, we bought 5. So when I opened my box and smelled it, I was so so excited. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s a rich scent, but not so overwhelming that you can’t breathe or feel suffocated. In the box there was also a coupon for the three wick size, so we made sure to go buy the large version. Hey, now we have TWO scents to rotate. HAPPY DAY!

The last item I received were Kiss Every Pro Lash Starter Kit:

kisseyelashes

This is the only item I haven’t tried yet. I have never used false lashes before so I want to try this when I have time to fiddle with it. That being said, they are getting good reviews Influenster and I’m looking forward to trying them out this weekend when we go to my hometown. Hopefully if I can make them work, it will force Mr. A to take me out for a fun night because I don’t want to waste those bad boys on a night on my couch!

Basically, all the products were wonderful. I may have lucked out, but it’s true. I will definitely be buying a lot of this stuff and am excited to have some new products to add to my repertoire.

So what other new products should I try because I am apparently in the mood to change it all up.

 

*All opinions expressed here are entirely my own

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Back on Track

Today was the first time I had to hang my head and send an e-mail to a professor that I am embarrassed of.

For those that have been around, you know I’m starting my second year of grad school for my master’s. That means that I am working on a thesis since I want to go on for my PhD and most schools want a thesis, not comps scores.

Middle of last spring, I was super motivated and typed up a big long thesis proposal. The professor I wanted to work with is going on sabbatical this fall, and I was a little nervous he wouldn’t want to take on another project. However, I had a little edge over others.

Mr. A graduates in May. That means we could be moving who knows where for a job for him. So unlike many other master’s students that could possibly stretch this out for an additional third year, I don’t have that luxury. I HAVE to be done in May. That means a thesis written, revised a million times, and defended by May.

So I have an extra push to get this business done.

So after hearing my proposal, some discussion, and realizing that I would not be wasting his time by dragging this out any longer than necessary, he agreed.

I should also mention that I adore this professor. He is brilliant and kind and encouraging and studies/teaches the same subjects I’m interested in. I feel honored that he agreed to be my thesis director, and also a bit nervous and do not want to disappoint him.

But, as you all know, this summer was…not ideal. Stepmom did that terrible thing that I try to block out and any sense of normality for me went out the window.

I was still having tot each my summer class, be a student in a very intense 4 week summer course, along with all the other responsibilities an adult has. Add in the additional stress of that event, and any spare time I had I was trying to relax and regain sanity.

Well, since professor is going on sabbatical, we had agreed that I would have a very detailed, 8-10 page outline for him by the start of the semester.

Guess who doesn’t have that, or even anything remotely close to that?

*hangs head in shame*

So I emailed him this morning to apologize and ask if he wanted me to send it to him once I got one done, or to just meet with my second reader and get her input on it all and we would meet again in the spring.

He hasn’t responded yet and my stomach is in knots because I feel like I let him down. Mostly, I’ve let myself down.

Motivation to do anything more than absolutely necessary has been minimal and I need to get my act together. I have only one semester of classes left and then a semester of thesis hours and I have to be completely finished in those two semesters.

Hopefully he understands and isn’t regretting working with me. I WILL have a lot to show him when he returns in January and hopefully he is impressed. Hopefully.

So any thoughts of motivation and encouragement that you can spare, would be greatly appreciated. Mostly so I don’t have to hide from him come January. And so my husband doesn’t kill me for not being ready to graduate in May.

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No Words

Keeping the victims, their families, and all affected by this tragedy in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping we as a country can keep what’s important in the forefront and not turn to politicizing this tragedy or blaming anyone except the man that decided he knew better than anyone else an that he had the right to destroy innocent lives.

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Ever Again?

I know I said I wouldn’t only write about this, but since the counseling center is closed and I feel like I’m about to burst, you get it again.
Today is supposed to be a good day.
Today is Scout’s first birthday, something I’ve been ridiculously excited about even though she doesn’t have a clue. I’ve never had a pet that was mine and Scout has been so great for us. I love that fluff ball more than I thought possible.
Mr. A is taking me to a movie in a bit. I’m making fruit pizza this afternoon. We have a day off together.
Yet, I’ve been on the brink of a breakdown since I woke up. Shit, I even slept all night which is something I haven’t done in months and last week I probably only got 4 hours of interrupted sleep each night, terrified that my migraine medicine dreams would take a terrifying turn.
I’m mad as hell. I’m angrier than I’ve ever been. And it scares me bc I’m not walking around, scowling at the world.
It’s bubbling underneath and it pops up out of no where.
I always hated when people said that taking your own life was selfish. I believed that they must have been in a place of such pain and despair that they saw no other option. But this was planned out. Every detail and the timing and she had to have been planning this for months. She planne this for months and never considered that she was goin to completely fuck up her 22 year old daughter’s life? She was going to make my dad have nightmares from finding his wife dead in a house that he built and loves? That the rest of us would be affected in ways no one can imagine until they’re thrown into the middle of this nightmare?
Oh, did I mention it was in MY old bedroom??? Yeah. Won’t be sleeping there ever again.
It was selfish. It was.
She got to say goodbye to most people by seeing friends two days before and other encounters we now realize was her chance to say bye.
Her final goodbye to my dad? Nothing. Him finding her. Him dealing with police and the coroner alone. Him so worried about his stepdaughter that he hasn’t even had a chance to mourn or cry or scream or stare at a wall.
I’m mad. I’ve been mad. I’m heartbroken for my dad. I feel guilty that I didn’t drop everything to stay home. I feel guilty about the other thoughts and feelings that I can’t seem to get away from.
I laugh at a joke or listen to happy stories and I feel guilty.
Am I ever going to feel “normal” again? Am I ever going to be able to laugh without feeling guilty for being happy? It does t feel like it.
I will forever have this cloud around me. I know my friends are walking on eggshells. They don’t know what to say or how to act around me. I’ll always be the girl whose stepmom killed herself. I don’t want that to be a descriptor of me. I want to rewind by two weeks and this to never have happened.
What’s worse is that I know if I’m feeling like this, I any imagine what dad and stepsister are going through.
Fuck.
That’s the only word at this point that even comes close to describing this whole situation.
So, from the bottom of y heart, please have some extra fun today because I know I’ll be faking every laugh, and if it is real, it will be followed by pain. If I can’t enjoy today, I want everyone else to. No one should have to deal with this. No one.

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Thank You

You are all amazing. I have a lot I want to say. A lot I need to say because I can’t seem to keep y thoughts organized. But right now, I’m mentally drained and can’t get coherent sentences together. Might be because I can’t seem to actually figure out how I’m feeling. This whole situation is confusing and I seem to be at both ends of the spectrum at the same time.
But I did want you all to know that I’ve read every comment and tweet and email, even if I didn’t reply. I wanted to but I just don’t know what to say and “thank you” doesn’t even begin to express how grateful I am to each and everyone of you.

Any additional thoughts or prayers for the family, especially for my Dad and stepsister to get through this and find support from friends, I would be forever grateful.

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Finality

I don’t exactly know how to say this. I don’t know exactly why I feel I need to say it other than it doesn’t feel real so maybe writing it will help.
I don’t know.
But tonight my stepmom took her life.
Nope. Still not real. Even rereading isn’t making it sink in.
Maybe it won’t ever sink in, but I needed to write it.
Mostly I need a place to not worry about how anyone else is feeling. I feel like I have to be strong for my dad and my stepsister. I cannot imagine what they are going through and I know my thoughts and fears are not their concern right now. So I get to come to this place and try in some small way to work through this.
Not sure that’s even possible right now but that’s where I am.
I’m rambling. I can’t seem to think straight. But I needed to see if it felt real so I could start to understand. Maybe I’ll just keep rereading until the words no longer mean anything. Maybe.

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