Category Archives: What to do?

Wedding Stress

And if you’ve been around for a while, you know it’s not my wedding.

Which might make this even more stressful because, come on, someone else’s wedding shouldn’t be stressing me out more than my own did.

But then again, so many people commented that I was the most laid back bride they had ever met, so maybe my judgment of this is off.

However, Mr. A’s best friend is getting married next weekend. G was the best man at our wedding and is like a brother to me. I love him and Mr. A and I would do anything he asked because we know he would do, and has done, the same. Mr. A and G were friends in the womb as they are only six months apart and they are so very close.

That being said, this wedding has been a source of stress for Mr. A and I. The biggest issue? The cost.

G doesn’t act like it, but he comes from…well…a lot of money. Like…not fully comprehensible amounts of money.

I’m not one to talk about finances, especially someone else’s, but it’s important to understand so you can understand why we are feeling so much pressure.

As you know, Mr. A and I are both still students. We live off my small income and student loans.

G did some awesome things for Mr. A as his best man, so of course we wanted to return the favor. I pretty much gave Mr. A free reign as to how much could be spent on G’s bachelor party because I knew Mr. A wanted to do something special and that G would enjoy.

Well, we’re still paying for that 6 day extravaganza. And I didn’t even get a t-shirt, damnit.

They have had two engagement parties thrown for them, both cocktail attire, so that required two different dresses because this girl doesn’t typically go to fancy events, so I didn’t have dresses to wear.

Since Mr. A is the best man and many of the guests at these events, and the wedding, are important people, so I am feeling even more pressure to dress accordingly and to not look like an amateur. Doesn’t help that I’m not a size 2 and am picky about how dresses should look on me.

Then there is the issue of a wedding gift.

I have a thing for giving good gifts and I will stress over anyone’s gift because I want to give some special and thoughtful, but also something that I know they will love. For this one, I’ve also had this looming feeling of needing it to be “big”. G went above and beyond for ours and I don’t want to look cheap or something.

Yes, G knows our situation and even said he didn’t expect us to get them a gift after everything else that we’ve done, but there isn’t a chance in hell that we aren’t giving them a gift.

I had some good and creative ideas, but Mr. A doesn’t think we need to spend a lot of money. As a boy, he just isn’t seeing the issue as I am.

We finally settled on buying them all of their bath towels since no one else has and I plan on adding some bath salts and candles to the package to add some thought. It’s a little on the boring side for my taste, but we couldn’t afford anything else on their registry and Mr. A didn’t like my original ideas, so at least they are getting something for their own future home.

And we haven’t even gotten to the wedding!

I still haven’t fully decided on a dress for rehearsal dinner. I ordered one from RueLaLa and if it shows up on time, I’ll wear it, otherwise I’ll figure out something from what I have. I had to buy a nice, more formal dress for the wedding, so I don’t want to buy yet another dress that I won’t get to wear often. At least the RueLaLa one I can wear to teach and such.

But then the wedding itself.

Unlike mine where G’s fiance came with us for pictures beforehand since I had all guys in my wedding party, they have 8 groomsmen and 8 bridesmaids. They do not need another person tagging along. So I get to spend all day on my own. This isn’t really a problem, but for some reason it didn’t occur to me until last week since she came with us for all of ours.

Also not occurring to me? I won’t be sitting with Mr. A at the reception. He will, of course, be at the head table.

Well, all of the people I know and am friends with at this wedding, are IN the wedding. Again, since we only have 4 people in our entire wedding party, we had their dates/significant others sit with us at the head table since we knew everyone and it was a blast. 

No idea who they are going to seat me with and I am terrible with small talk.

So while I was initially really excited for this wedding, I just want the damn thing to be over with already. It’s basically an entire weekend spent in Mr. A’s hometown, without Mr. A.

Hey, at least I get to have my hair done and I can drink as much as I want since no one will be watching me.

Mr. A owes me. Big time. I think I deserve a beach trip. You know, after we pay off all this wedding business.

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Filed under A little More About Me, Life After College, What to do?

Accessorize Me!

I am not the most stylish person ever. I know this.

I don’t think I typically am the worst dressed, but I really have a hard time accessorizing outfits. I can find a dress or an outfit that is cute and looks good, but I never know how to put jewelry or shoes with it.

As some of you might know, Mr. A’s best friend is getting married next month. He was the best man in our wedding and is like a brother to me.

A couple weeks ago, we met up with him for dinner and of course, the wedding came up. His family has quite a bit of money and I know that his older sister’s wedding was black tie and a VERY formal affair. I asked about the wedding and it turns out that they wanted to put “black tie” on the invitations, but her parents didn’t think that was a good idea. (Why, I have no idea since this is going to be a big and very nice wedding.)

As soon as he said that, I knew I needed a dress. I had one that I thought I would wear, but it just didn’t seem nice enough. I originally went shopping with the intent of finding a long dress, but all of them looked like prom dresses or entirely too casual maxi dresses. So instead I went with a nice shorter dress that falls right below my knees.

dress-full

It looks really nice on and I thought with the right accessories, I could make it fancy enough.

dress-close

This is the top of it. I love the ruffles around the neck and think it adds a fun detail.

So, this is where all of YOU come in!

I need some help. Remember, a fancy wedding at night. Also, Mr. A will be in a tux, so I need to look okay next to him.

I have some nice black peep-toe heels that I think I am going to wear. (I’d show a picture, but I left them at my mom’s so will need to pick them up from her.) I wore them when I was in a wedding as a bridesmaid and I think they will be perfect with the dress.

But I don’t know what to do for jewelry. I am considering hair styles along these lines:

braided side  OR hair pinned OR one of these

 

hair multi

Unless, you think this concept wouldn’t look good with the dress? I thought since it is all ruffly around the neck, it would be good to have the hair up and I really like the low and to the side pinned buns. Also, I am getting my hair done at 11am. Wedding isn’t until 5pm and reception at 7pm. I need the hair to last ALL DAY on a hot June day. I have pretty thick hair and I know having it curled and down just won’t last more than an hour.

So that’s the hair question.

Now, for jewelry.

It is kind of low, but it isn’t ridiculous and the ruffles hide some of it.

I was thinking, with the hair style in mind, of doing big dangly earrings, skipping a necklace, but then doing a bracelet.

Yes? No?

And if so, what should the earrings/bracelet look like? Sparkly? Pearls? Black?

SEE?? I am helpless when it comes to this type of stuff. Not a clue.

So please. Help me.

And if my ideas suck, tell me, but then give me other ideas. And if you find pictures, feel free to e-mail them to me at newteacherwife@gmail.com because I need some serious help here! I can’t show up looking ridiculous when my husband will be looking sharp in a tux!

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Filed under A little More About Me, Pictures, What to do?

I Haz Smartz

Some days, I feel like a total idiot.

No, not some days. Most days.

Here I am, in a graduate program in literature sitting in classes with Ph.D. students that have written books that the History channel has bought rights to and made into a series.

REALLY?!?!

I have to be in class with you and do presentations on my research in front of you when you have been a college professor for 10 years and decided to get your Doctorate?!?

Cue panic.

Granted, there are also undergrads in the class, but they don’t have to do the same research presentations that the graduate students do. Lucky kids. Oh to be in undergrad again and having hardly anything to worry about.

Just this morning, my friend M and I were being silly in my office before class and rocking out to Queen and reading about Resse Witherspoon getting hit by a car and talking about where we wanted to get margaritas this weekend. And then I hear some people down the hall having a heated discussion about the feminist leanings of writers in the Victorian era and about all the sexual repression in the literature.

Yeah. These actually happen. These conversations take place daily in our hallways. All the time. With very smart things being said about very smart topics that make my eyes glaze over and wonder if they were speaking French.

I don’t know if it’s just that I’ve been out of school for a while, but I feel like I am just not even close to being as smart as these people. It crosses my mind that maybe I’ve somehow fooled the admission committee and I’m really not cut out for this program.

And that, my friends, is a terrifying concept.

What if I really am not going to be successful at this? I went through not having a job. I’m taking out loans to help cover what my assistantship doesn’t. And I don’t even know if I’m going to be good at this.

Yes, I enjoy the teaching part. My observation went well. But do I have what it takes to be a successful master of literature?

Who knows.

It’s all a bit intimidating.

My plan for that scary research presentation is to just go first, that way if I bomb, at least I was first and won’t have to see how awesome they did before I go up there and look like a 5 year old.

Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine. Yes, I’m sure I will get into the swing of things. I’ll figure it out and do what I need to do.

So for now, I’ll put my headphones on as I watch the End of the World video and wonder what Beyonce will name her child and put a smiley stamp on my students’ assignments. Hopefully if one of those super smart people come into my office, it will be one of the times I’m not on twitter or drooling over Kate Spade things. Hopefully.

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Filed under A little More About Me, Grad School?, Learning More, Teaching in College, What to do?

Truth Time: Unemployment

Something I have always strived to do with this blog is be honest. To give as much of a real view of my life without giving away things that could come back to bite me in the butt. I don’t post my name or city we live in. I won’t air our dirty laundry and even some things that I want to blog about, I think better of and decide that maybe I don’t want to deal with those consequences.

But something I worked hard to be honest about was my time of unemployment.

I’m pretty sure it is obvious how miserable I was. Click any of the tags or categories called jobs, job search, life after college, freak out, WTF. There are tons. I would link them, but I don’t think you want 12 lines of links.

But something I found during that time was that I felt very very alone. I felt like no one understood what was going on, what I was going through, how I felt or the emotions I was battling every day.

But here I am on the other side.

In 3 days, I start my workshop training for my graduate assistantship. 2 weeks from Monday, I officially start grad school. Not only is my grad school being paid for, but I will also be getting a pay check. I am on the upside of this year long ordeal.

But it was an ordeal.

I couldn’t imagine that a year later, I would be sitting here, looking over my new school supplies, picking out which outfits to wear, getting keys to my office in the English department at the university. I never thought I would be here.

Unfortunately, I know there are plenty of others who are where I was a year ago.

This is my way of reaching out to YOU.

YOU are not alone. While every situation is different, I at least have some idea of what you are going through.

Whether you are just out of college, if you had a job and lost it because of downsizing or whatever reason, if you took the bar and are waiting for results, if you are underemployed, because believe me, I may have only been unemployed for 5 months, but I was extremely underemployed for 8 months and it was rough.

There was one blogger who I found that helped to just know someone else had gone through this. Ashley from Accidental Olympian Alaskan was amazing. She might be a little embarrassed and be all, “I just wrote my story blah blah blah”. She was the only other blog (that i found at least) that was honest about what being unemployed felt like for people who worked so hard in college and had degrees in fields that should have jobs and not finding anything. For applying for job after job and getting turned down. She was open with her emotions and depression that resulted. And THANK YOU ASHLEY! I told her in a million different e-mails how much I appreciated her honesty. (Ashley, i swear I’m not a stalker, but I think you deserve some acknowledgement! YOU ROCK GIRL!) And even if you have a job, go check out her blog. She has a job now, just moved to Alaska, and posts cute pictures of her dogs and of areas in Alaska that are breathtaking. And she’s pretty damn hilarious.

I am not nearly as eloquent as Ashley. I know that. I’ve re-read some of my posts from that time and they ramble and I come across very pathetic. I know it. It’s okay. But I always wanted my readers to know what was going on. I didn’t want to hide it and make it sound like I was thoroughly enjoying my time at home and being little miss homemaker and didn’t have a worry in my head.

So. Not. True.

I was a wreck. Maybe the first month was kind of fun since we had just gotten married, moved to a new city, had a new apartment. But that wore off quickly. In that first month, I never imagined I wouldn’t have a job for another 4 months.

And yes, the big D word hit me hard. I was not myself for a long time, even after I got the job in retail. I was so underemployed that I felt worthless. There were days that maybe I got out of bed, but only to stay in my pajamas, move to the couch and watch Netflix all day. I didn’t want to spend any money because we were truly living off of student loans. I cried more than I have ever cried. I was short with my husband. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I would snap on my parents when they would ask me how things were going, even though they were being incredibly supportive and knew that I was working as hard as I could to get a job.

I feel I’m rambling.

Basically, I just want anyone out there going through a hard time that you are not alone. And if you EVER just need to vent or talk to someone who has a slight idea of what you are feeling, do NOT hesitate to e-mail me. I won’t think you’re weird or anything. I don’t want anyone to feel isolated during this time. It is hard. I know that. But both Ashley and I are a couple of the stories that prove that it does get better. (I hope that phrase isn’t copyrighted…) And if I have to send you an e-mail everyday reminding you of that, I will. If that will help, I will do it.

One thing. People who haven’t been through this, they really won’t understand. They may empathize, but they won’t truly get where you’re at. My husband, who saw me every day and knew that I was doing everything in my power to find a job, he still didn’t get it. He would get frustrated at times because his new wife, the girl he knew to be fun and outgoing didn’t want to leave the house. Didn’t want to put on clothes or makeup. He couldn’t grasp how I was feeling.

But here I am. I am offering my support. My love. My words of encouragement. It does get better. I promise. Even if it’s 6 months or 12 months or 18 months, it will get better and we are here to help you along those rough days.

And lastly, this new song makes me cry every time. No one dies in it. It’s not about a lost love. But the man in the story of the song is so absolutely desperate that even though I didn’t have kids and a family to support, I can sympathize with his emotions. Take a minute and listen to his story. And maybe take a second before judging someone who is currently looking for a job. If you have one, it’s hard to understand why those of us can’t find one. But it is hard out there. There are millions of stories about people applying for jobs they are so overqualified for and being turned down even though they desperately need the money. It’s my PSA for the day.

Ronnie Dunn- Cost Of Living   (Won’t let me insert video, but this link will take you to it. Give it a few minutes. It’s something close to my heart.)

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Filed under A little More About Me, Blogging, Confessions, Life After College, What to do?, WTF

Flying Drama

When Mr. A went to Other State, he drove since he obviously would need his car and he had too much stuff to bring on a flight without baggage costing an arm and a leg.

But I have no desire to spend 11 hours in a car by myself. There’s no need to have two cars there, so obviously, I’m flying.

But here’s a secret:

I’m not a great flier.

I don’t like to fly. Not to the point where I won’t fly, but I don’t like it. I get incredibly antsy and nervous. I have an overactive imagination and it seems to kick into high gear as soon as I settle into my seat.

And takeoff is the worst part. I can’t listen to my ipod to zone out. I can’t read my Kindle. I just have to sit there. Add in the fact that I get headaches pretty easily and my ears pop like crazy, and it’s just not an enjoyable experience.

I usually have about 2 or 3 pieces of gum and I chew like a mad woman to keep the pressure from building up in my ears. I’ll take a couple Advil before the flight and hope that it keeps any potential headache away.

But even better, I usually have my husband with me. Or someone else to talk to. Last year, when we had to get on two different flights both ways to and from Mexico, Mr. A was great and would just hold my hand and make jokes.

But this time?

I’m alone.

No one to hold my hand. No one to tell me that it will all be okay. No one to make stupid jokes and point out the other goofy looking passengers.

I have flown alone before.

I was 10 and I flew back from Salt Lake City while my dad and his girlfriend went on to San Francisco. But this was pre 9/11 and my dad was actually allowed to walk on the plan with me and get me settled in my seat.

But I am a big girl now.

And I can do this.

It;s not like I’m having a panic attack or anything, just…anxious.

My plan is to get to the airport early, allowing me plenty of time to get through security and to find my terminal and gate and all that. I am then planning on going to one of the restaurants and having myself a drink in order to calm my nerves, maybe even take a short nap on the plane.

I’m planning on buying a magazine so I have something to occupy my mind. Luckily, I got into the first boarding group, so I get to pick my seat, which will be an aisle seat, hopefully in the exit row so I have a little more space.

This time tomorrow I will be sweating my butt off and exploring a new city. Now to not panic on the plane.

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Filed under A little More About Me, Confessions, Freak Out Much?, Married Life, What to do?, WTF

Moving: The Aftermath

I really can’t believe my marriage has survived this.

Actually, I can. I’m being dramatic. But I’ve had moments that I wanted to pay for a second apartment so I could have one on my own.

I loathe, just like most people, moving. LOATHEEEEE.

There really aren’t words strong enough for how much I hate it.

Probably also comes from my moving back and forth between houses every week when I was younger.

AND YOU GUYS. How in the world do two young people have so much crap?!?!

I mean, we’ve lived in college dorms and college apartments. We still live in a college town in apartments that aren’t that big, yet we probably have enough things to fill a small house.

Luckily, we weren’t moving very far, so it was a little easier on me since I had to do it on my own. Even better, my MIL lent me her SUV to use instead of my teeny tiny car, and that made a HUGE difference.

However, if I ever get to pick a move date in the future, it will be during the winter when it’s nice a cold. Moving in 94 degree temperatures with 100% humidity is pure hell. Add in steps to the front door and now having an apartment with a second floor, and it was NOT fun.

I started moving on Tuesday, and by Friday, I thought my lower back was going to explode. I still need to schedule my massage…

Mr. A came home Thursday night and we finished moving things. I had basically everything done except for furniture and some miscellaneous things. We moved the televisions and set up the air mattress and stayed in the new apartment.

Also, pretty sure we put the fewest miles EVER on a rented Uhaul. A grand total of SEVEN. Seven miles folks. We only had to put one gallon of gas back in it. It was more miles back and forth to the rental place than between our apartments. We were done with the truck in 3 hours. Too bad they don’t prorate when you don’t use it for a whole day.

We got things mostly functional, but I didn’t want to spend my last day with Mr. A unpacking, so I told him that I would deal with it after he left so we could enjoy some time doing fun things.

BIG MISTAKE.

Yes, I’m glad that I got to spend time with him, but holy crap. Unpacking might be worse than packing.

The kitchen is the only room that is completely unpacked. The rest of the apartment? Not so much.

DSCN1057

This fun pile is definitely still in our living room. Do I know what’s in those boxes? Not really. The stuff in the background is blocking a closet door. Luckily, the closet doesn’t have hardly any space, so I’m not missing much. Someone want a rockband drum set? Because I’m ready to just get rid of it. We played it for a while, but now, not really. It’s in my way.

DSCN1058

These are the stairs. Doesn’t look too bad. Those two boxes are things that I need to take to Goodwill and such. Mr. A will freak out if I turn the stairs into a catch-all, so I’m trying to not get into that habit.

But the first pile is immediately to the right of the stairs, and until it’s moved, I can’t put our entryway table there, so the stairs it is. And they are quite convenient for purses and things that eventually need to go upstairs. 🙂

And the upstairs.

Please don’t report me to Hoarders.

DSCN1059

This is utterly embarrassing. But this is currently what a corner of our bedroom looks like.

It’s clothes and miscellaneous crap that I need to find a home for. We went from a two bedroom apartment where we basically used the second room as storage for things we never planned on unpacking. We now only have one bedroom, and while there’s more room, we no longer have a room to jam stuff.

And I’m just being lazy and enjoying my time off. I promise it will  get put away. Probably early next week, but only because I’m going home this weekend. I’m in no rush because I know what works for me and how I operate. The longer I stare at it, the more I will hate it and will ensure that I take care of it the right way, and not just half-ass it. It’s a process folks.

Also, I’m coming off of just PACKING AND MOVING all of this. I give myself a week to not have to touch it. Eventually I will need more clothes, so it will happen. (And by shaming myself here on the blog, it will have to get done so I can take real apartment pictures to post for you all!)

So, there’s been a lot of sitting on the couch this week. Yes, being lazy, but I’m allowing it for myself. Do I deserve it? Doubtful. But my husband doesn’t come home until August 17th. As long as it’s done before then so he doesn’t leave me for being a lazy bum, it’s all good. I just won’t show him living room images on Skype. No need to worry him.

For now, I will watch SATC, drink wine, order takeout, and schedule my massage. I sure am lucky.

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Filed under A little More About Me, Home Sweet Home, Life After College, Married Life, Things I Love, What to do?, WTF

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