Ahem

Well, it’s been a while.

I AM alive. So there’s that.

School is kicking my ass in a way I’ve never experienced before and I want to crawl into a hole and hide and hope some magical faeries will do my work for me.

It’s a problem.

Mostly I’m in such a state of panic that I don’t do anything because everything needed to be done last week. So prioritizing doesn’t happen because, again, everything needed to already be done.

Catch-22

Mostly I need to kick my own butt into gear and just get through this semester. If I can do that, next semester should be a little easier.

Also, Mr. A will be out of town all next semester for another amazing internship. LUCKILY, he won’t be as far away as he was last summer. He will be in my hometown and will be staying at my dad’s house. It will be a free place to stay, my dad is doing some really awesome stuff for Mr. A’s stay (such as turn one of the spare bedrooms into another living room so Mr. A will have a place to hang out).

BUT, because he will be gone, I will be back to blogging. I will finally have free time to do so and will need some more company.

I know people hate when people blog about not blogging, but I have met so many of you in person and have talked with so many of you on a regular basis that I thought I would check in. When I come back, I might start over, or just revamp this old thing. We shall see.

But no matter what, I’ll fill you all in. Also, you all rock, I hope your lives are super fantastic and amazing and I can’t wait to finally have time to catch up on it all!!

Now, what’s a thesis?

Breatheeee

I feel awful since this is now roughly the THIRD time I’ve had to take a blogging break.

I guess I feel bad because I really do love this hobby and have met some amazing people, but this last semester has kicked my ass.

I simply didn’t have time.

Yes, I had time to sit and watch tv. But when that rare opportunity occurred, the thought of having to type anything else out just wasn’t appealing, even though I missed all of you so very much.

BUT.

In case you don’t follow me on Twitter, I’m finished with my first year of grad school!!!!!

I am so freaking excited about this fact. I mean, a year ago I was working retail in a job I hated, which in turn, made me hate myself even though I was doing the “adult” thing by working to support my family.

A year later, I’ve finished my first year of grad school with (hoping!!) all A’s. (Waiting on the last grade to come in…I’ve checked it about a million times since Wednesday). I’m done with my first year of teaching college students, and while I sure had a rocky road, I’ve learned so so so much and I love where I am right now with my career.

And yes, it’s my career.

I’ve always wanted to teach at the college level. Always. I just thought that i would have to teach high school for a while first. But God had different plans and I’ve never been happier.

Yes, this year, specifically this semester, was hard.

I doubted myself constantly, thinking that maybe I wasn’t smart/good/talented/worthy enough for this opportunity. I still think that at times, but I’ve learned that I am as good as the other people in my program. I have worked HARD for this position and I will cherish every moment I have.

Do I complain about obnoxious students? Yes. Do I whine about papers and lack of sleep? Yes. And I am trying to work on that since I know I am blessed/lucky beyond belief to have this chance, but I am human and I do take things for granted. That being said, I am constantly in awe of this. Constantly. This whole thing was a fluke, but a fluke that I know was meant for me and I was in the right place at the right time.

Strangely enough, had it not been for the job I hated and happening to pick up an extra shift for a little extra money one day, I would not be here. A girl at work and I were talking about grad school and she is the one that informed me that this school had so many assistantship opportunities.

Funny how things work out…

And for those of you that have been here since then, none of this is new. But I feel like I need to make sure to give credit where it’s due and remind myself how lucky I am. So I do it here.

Mr. A and I are thoroughly enjoying this down time. We both have 4 weeks off until summer classes/teaching start and we plan on regaining our sanity. The last month of the semester was insane. Words can’t even describe it. One week, I had 6 nights in a row that I was in my office until after midnight. Mr. A and I rarely saw each other and we were testy and short with each other. Unfortunately, me more than him.

I had panic attacks and sobbing sessions. I freaked out and considered quitting. But I didn’t and I am so happy I didn’t.

Last week, I sat down with my thesis director so we could “road map” my thesis since I plan on starting it this summer. Strangely enough, I’m way ahead of the game and looks like I will have, roughly, a 120 page thesis that isn’t scaring the crap out of me. I am so incredibly excited about topic and my project that 120 pages seems completely doable, and even more so, enjoyable.

But, enough about school since I know all of us in school in some capacity is ready to avoid the subject for a bit.

Today, we DEEP cleaned the apartment since we both let it get completely out of hand the last month of school. Now, I hate cleaning. I am not domestic and chores might be my least favorite thing. However, having a very clean apartment sure was nice tonight.

Scout, however, hated it.

She doesn’t like change, and the amount of moving things around and loud noises that were happening, she was not happy with us. She spent most of the day hiding under the bed, which she hasn’t done since we first brought her home. However, once Mr. A left to help a friend move and I was just folding laundry, I lured her out with some treats and she napped in her chair.

Bonus of Mr. A helping someone move? The guy is moving to California, so can’t take too much with him, so he offered his awesome entertainment center with tv mount to us. It looks a million times better than the one we had before, especially since we had broken one leg when we, after a few drinks, decided to rearrange our living room. The tv stand was simply set on top of the broken leg, so a bump in the right spot would have sent everything flying. Needless to say, this is a HUGE upgrade. It even fits in the space better. Win win.

Tomorrow, a friend and I are having a late lunch and then getting pedicures. Mr. A leaves on Tuesday to go to Mville to see his mom and dad, and then he and his friends leave on Wednesday for a Vegas bachelor party. They won’t get back until midnight on Sunday, which means Mr. A won’t be home until roughly 4am on Monday. Mr. A is the best man, so this has been all his planning, so I’m happy for him to have a chance to relax and hang out with friends without school hanging over his head. They have bottle service at one of the most exclusive clubs and tickets to an amazing show. I tried to get them to go to Club Rehab on Sunday, but they weren’t sure it was worth the money since they would have to leave early to catch their flight home. Can you tell I’m SUPER jealous? I tried to get them to let me fly out with them, stay in a separate room and just lounge by the pool the whole time. For some reason, Mr. A just wouldn’t agree to that…

No worries thought. My MIL and I are going to have a girl’s weekend involving the restaurants in Mville that I miss, drinks, gossip, and time tanning on the deck. I think I still make it out okay.  ;o)

So that’s where we are as of right now. Did I leave anything out? How are all of YOU??? What do I need to catch up on??

Phone test

Just testing out the WordPress iPhone app to see how this goes. I will be back to blogging now that this inane semester is over.

For reading a test post here is a Scout picture

Busy Bee

Apparently I should get one a blogging schedule BEFORE the semester starts, not in the middle of it.

So, Orlando was fun. I was sick for a lot of it due to my massive sinus issues prior to the flight, which then made it nearly impossible for my ears to pop like they should so I was just off and blech for most of it.

BUT, I did enjoy myself and learned a lot. It was great to see some presentations before I have to present my own in a week. (YIKES)

This semester has been kicking my booty. Between the insane amounts of work for my own classes and trying not to suck at teaching, I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. To the point that I don’t do anything because I don’t know where to start. It’s a vicious cycle.

However, I have ALL of my paper topics for the remaining 4 papers that I have to write this semester, so that’s a huge load off my shoulders. Sounds goofy, but now that I know what I’m writing about, I think about the topics, work out the arguments in my head and it makes it easier when I sit down and write the damn things. I have a weird writing process. Looks weird to others and probably wouldn’t work for anyone else, but it works for me and has been paying off, at least so far. (Fingers crossed it continues until I can work out a better, less spastic method)

Mr. A is hitting his own rough spot of the semester. Happens every semester, at least has so far. He’s getting a little better at dealing with it, but it is stressful. Unfortunately, unlike the previous three semesters, I’m not able to be the cheery ray of sunshine that I usually was in order to cheer him up. I’m so stressed and frazzled myself, that I haven’t been as helpful as usual. I know he understands, but I do feel bad.

School…is…well, school itself it good. Some social drama has been a bit distracting, but working on moving beyond it and not letting high school drama get in the way of what I need to do. Next week will be a little awkward, but nothing I can’t handle and going to make the best of it.

In other big exciting news, I got one of the few and competitive summer teaching positions. I’m not trying to brag- mostly I feel like God was watching over and knew what was best. SO much off of my shoulders to know I will have a paycheck.

Even better?? Mr. A and I will finally be in the same place for the first summer since we’ve been married. Our first two summers of marriage have been spent in different places and adjusting to new things on our own. It will be nice to both be working and taking a class, in the same city. Lots of trips to go canoeing on the lake and studying at the winery, because that’s what grad students do that don’t want to live in a library. It will be amazing.

Can you all believe that I will be done with my first year of grad school in a month?! Because I can’t.

I remember crying when I got my acceptance letter. I remember  when Mr. A got a raise at his summer job, on a Friday, and he told me I could turn in my two weeks notice at the awful retail store an entire month early. I remember spending hours picking out my outfit for the first day of training for teaching college students. I remember walking into my first grad class and being scared to death that I couldn’t do this. I also have the first grad paper that I got an A on with some of the most supportive commentary I’ve ever received.

And here I am, planning my thesis and graduation and realizing that in a year, we will be moving and finding/starting new jobs. I will have a Master’s hood. You will all have to call me Master NewTeacherWife. Maybe that will be my new blog name when I graduate…

So that’s us right now. Scout is doing great. Ornery as ever, but cute as can be and just so snuggly. Mr. A and I both agree that she has been a major stress reliever for us both. We love coming home to her meeting us at the door and, even though she plays rougher than I would like, she’s a ball of fun and we are absolutely in love with her. So, how doomed are we once we have kids??

I miss you all. BUT, I will have time off before summer school, so lots of catching up. Also, I am running my first 5k at the end of the month, so I will be sure to let you all know how it goes. Mr. A is coming to cheer me on and I will make him take pictures of me before I’m all gross and sweaty!

Time Out

I called it.

As soon as I tried to get back into blogging, life stepped in and halted it.

I mean, who needs a job? (Kidding. Obviously.)

School and teaching have come crashing in and I am having one heck of a time staying on top of everything.

Admission: I never even opened the novel for one of my classes. Terrible, yes, especially since I adore this professor and class, but I simply did not have time. His class has over 100 pages of theory a week, plus a novel a week, so I will just step it up for next week.

And teaching. TAKES. SO. MUCH. TIME.

I know this is an obvious statement to anyone who teaches or has experience with the education field, but add that on top of 3 graduate classes that require insane amount of reading and responses, and it’s completely overwhelming.

I still haven’t even touched papers that my students turned in a week ago. My goal is to get them back by next Friday, but the way things are going…who knows. Oh, and my students turn in another paper today. And another one next Friday. It never ends.

And no, I can’t do anything about spacing since the course is standardized. However, this is the first semester with this layout, and I am going to talk to the program director and say, “Hey. This is entirely too much to keep up with. Something needs to get cut or I’m just giving everyone a B and moving on.”

Doesn’t help that I am feeling a bit frozen in place since I haven’t started a single paper of my own. And I leave for Orlando in 3 weeks. And will be in Boston two weeks after that. And then there’s like 3 weeks left before finals.

I have 5 papers to write between now and then. 3 of which are 15 plus pages. 2 involve no fewer than 7-10 sources each.

Cue panic attack.

Just writing all that out makes my heart race. My goal this weekend is to get one of them written, or at least a draft or detailed outline done. Looks like the library and coffee shop will be my home. Too bad I can’t bring Scout…

So, I am dedicated to keeping this blog going, just bear with me. Some weeks I just simply don’t have time, even though I have a million things to tell all of you. And to catch up on all of your blogs! And please don’t think I’m not reading. I am. Just sometimes I’m reading between breaks or classes and don’t have time to comment.

So what’s going on with all of you? And what are some of your favorite stress relievers? Because I sure need them.

Back to Regularly Scheduled Programming

I went on a bit of a blogging sabbatical. Too bad I left with a strike post. Lame.

But, even though second semester has me reading 400-1200 pages a week, I have a better managed schedule and hope to make blogging a part of my life again.

And I missed all of you wonderful and lovely people.

And the kitten has taken over the apartment and Mr. A and I are now on her schedule. 7 pounds and wholly in charge.

Quick Update:

– I’m teaching 102 this semester and my students are a million times more awesome than I ever would have imagined.

– If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I had a very problematic student issue over break. I hope to expand more, but until it’s resolved, I can’t. Silly rules.

– I’m loving grad school and all of my classes.

– I get to present at a conference in Boston and I’m so pumped!! Also, trying to go to a different conference to make some connections that have to do with my thesis. Meeting famous authors would be awesome too.

– Mr. A is doing great. He’s hitting his groove in law school, and while he’s totally ready to be done, it’s doable.

– Did I mention that I missed you all?

Hoping to blog more regularly and catch up with everyone. Maybe even some giveaways. Gives me a reason to go to Target.

Oops

I have no idea how some of you very busy people blog everyday. I know I am less busy than most of you and, as you can see, I haven’t blogged in over a week. And that makes me sad because I love this blogging community and I don’t want to abandon it, especially when all of YOU were there for me during all the crap times.

So here’s my commitment to do better. Probably won’t be everyday, but it will surely be more than once every other week. That’s just pathetic.

And I can find the time. I just need to sit down and do it.

I will say though, that being in school again has greatly increased my typing abilities. Not saying I won’t ever have a stupid typo, but I am much faster at typing and making fewer mistakes.

See, you really can learn all sorts of things in schools.

So, me.

Well, not much has changed or happened since last week.

It’s the Thursday of the 3rd week and, so far, things are going pretty smoothly.

I may have hit the jackpot with my students since they are pretty much awesome and haven’t been causing me too many problems. They don’t talk a lot, but that could be because I am probably their first class of the day.

My own classes are going well also. My ghost stories class is fun. We will see if I still think that when I start my first grad school paper next week. I may be cursing everyone and everything seeing as I haven’t written a ten page paper in probably 2.5 years. YIKES. Who wants to proofread?! ;o)

My other class is a mandatory class for all new GAs. It’s….eh. Boring. Just not my thing, but our big project is cooperative and my good friend M and I are partnered, so at least I can drink wine with someone while we do our research paper.

Currently, I feel like my head might explode. My allergies are absolutely terrible. Most people have seasonal allergies. I am part of the lucky group that has awful allergies all year round. I am allergic to almost all grasses and trees. No idea how I have not had to live in a bubble my entire life, but it has been fairly well managed. Until recently. When I was a kid, I had to have allergy shots every Saturday. I did this for three years, and while it was inconvenient, I had very few symptoms. Obviously, as I got older a busier, it was impossible to keep that up, so we quit and I just took a daily allergy medicine. Just an over the counter one and it was fine. Sure, I would have flare ups, but recently it seems like I’m just taking a sugar pill or something. Silly school health services won’t do the shots until I see an allergist in town, and I just don’t know how much that will cost me. So we shall see.

Last weekend, Mr. A and I went home for his birthday. We ended up with free tickets to the baseball game for Friday night and it turns out, we were 4 rows behind the opposing team’s dugout. I could hear them talking and just wanted to run up to our catcher when he was on third to get a close up look at those neck tattoos that he won’t tell anyone what they mean. I am going to miss baseball season when it’s over. April is entirely too far away.

We had a good time. It was nice to get out for a while and have a weekend without worrying about school stuff. Also, admittedly, every since I’ve met all the new fun people, I haven’t been around much. I’m what you might call a social butterfly at times, and I like to be out and doing stuff, so now that I have fun new friends, I’m always off doing something. I think Mr. A was lonely. He hasn’t been used to me being gone. So the weekend was a time to catch up and spend some quality time together.

I have all these posts started that I just need to sit down and finish. I will write. I will read more. I will comment. Probably even catch up today since I’m planning on going home and laying on the couch until my nose quits running.

Enjoy your Thursdays. It’s almost Friday. I will be on a law school wine tour on Saturday. I will try not to roll down a hill this time. Especially since I’m pretty sure Mr. A would disown me if I made a fool of myself AGAIN and in front of the entire law school. So I will behave. And drink less sangria. (Or just find a flat surface for my chair ;o) ))

Truth Time: Unemployment

Something I have always strived to do with this blog is be honest. To give as much of a real view of my life without giving away things that could come back to bite me in the butt. I don’t post my name or city we live in. I won’t air our dirty laundry and even some things that I want to blog about, I think better of and decide that maybe I don’t want to deal with those consequences.

But something I worked hard to be honest about was my time of unemployment.

I’m pretty sure it is obvious how miserable I was. Click any of the tags or categories called jobs, job search, life after college, freak out, WTF. There are tons. I would link them, but I don’t think you want 12 lines of links.

But something I found during that time was that I felt very very alone. I felt like no one understood what was going on, what I was going through, how I felt or the emotions I was battling every day.

But here I am on the other side.

In 3 days, I start my workshop training for my graduate assistantship. 2 weeks from Monday, I officially start grad school. Not only is my grad school being paid for, but I will also be getting a pay check. I am on the upside of this year long ordeal.

But it was an ordeal.

I couldn’t imagine that a year later, I would be sitting here, looking over my new school supplies, picking out which outfits to wear, getting keys to my office in the English department at the university. I never thought I would be here.

Unfortunately, I know there are plenty of others who are where I was a year ago.

This is my way of reaching out to YOU.

YOU are not alone. While every situation is different, I at least have some idea of what you are going through.

Whether you are just out of college, if you had a job and lost it because of downsizing or whatever reason, if you took the bar and are waiting for results, if you are underemployed, because believe me, I may have only been unemployed for 5 months, but I was extremely underemployed for 8 months and it was rough.

There was one blogger who I found that helped to just know someone else had gone through this. Ashley from Accidental Olympian Alaskan was amazing. She might be a little embarrassed and be all, “I just wrote my story blah blah blah”. She was the only other blog (that i found at least) that was honest about what being unemployed felt like for people who worked so hard in college and had degrees in fields that should have jobs and not finding anything. For applying for job after job and getting turned down. She was open with her emotions and depression that resulted. And THANK YOU ASHLEY! I told her in a million different e-mails how much I appreciated her honesty. (Ashley, i swear I’m not a stalker, but I think you deserve some acknowledgement! YOU ROCK GIRL!) And even if you have a job, go check out her blog. She has a job now, just moved to Alaska, and posts cute pictures of her dogs and of areas in Alaska that are breathtaking. And she’s pretty damn hilarious.

I am not nearly as eloquent as Ashley. I know that. I’ve re-read some of my posts from that time and they ramble and I come across very pathetic. I know it. It’s okay. But I always wanted my readers to know what was going on. I didn’t want to hide it and make it sound like I was thoroughly enjoying my time at home and being little miss homemaker and didn’t have a worry in my head.

So. Not. True.

I was a wreck. Maybe the first month was kind of fun since we had just gotten married, moved to a new city, had a new apartment. But that wore off quickly. In that first month, I never imagined I wouldn’t have a job for another 4 months.

And yes, the big D word hit me hard. I was not myself for a long time, even after I got the job in retail. I was so underemployed that I felt worthless. There were days that maybe I got out of bed, but only to stay in my pajamas, move to the couch and watch Netflix all day. I didn’t want to spend any money because we were truly living off of student loans. I cried more than I have ever cried. I was short with my husband. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I would snap on my parents when they would ask me how things were going, even though they were being incredibly supportive and knew that I was working as hard as I could to get a job.

I feel I’m rambling.

Basically, I just want anyone out there going through a hard time that you are not alone. And if you EVER just need to vent or talk to someone who has a slight idea of what you are feeling, do NOT hesitate to e-mail me. I won’t think you’re weird or anything. I don’t want anyone to feel isolated during this time. It is hard. I know that. But both Ashley and I are a couple of the stories that prove that it does get better. (I hope that phrase isn’t copyrighted…) And if I have to send you an e-mail everyday reminding you of that, I will. If that will help, I will do it.

One thing. People who haven’t been through this, they really won’t understand. They may empathize, but they won’t truly get where you’re at. My husband, who saw me every day and knew that I was doing everything in my power to find a job, he still didn’t get it. He would get frustrated at times because his new wife, the girl he knew to be fun and outgoing didn’t want to leave the house. Didn’t want to put on clothes or makeup. He couldn’t grasp how I was feeling.

But here I am. I am offering my support. My love. My words of encouragement. It does get better. I promise. Even if it’s 6 months or 12 months or 18 months, it will get better and we are here to help you along those rough days.

And lastly, this new song makes me cry every time. No one dies in it. It’s not about a lost love. But the man in the story of the song is so absolutely desperate that even though I didn’t have kids and a family to support, I can sympathize with his emotions. Take a minute and listen to his story. And maybe take a second before judging someone who is currently looking for a job. If you have one, it’s hard to understand why those of us can’t find one. But it is hard out there. There are millions of stories about people applying for jobs they are so overqualified for and being turned down even though they desperately need the money. It’s my PSA for the day.

Ronnie Dunn- Cost Of Living   (Won’t let me insert video, but this link will take you to it. Give it a few minutes. It’s something close to my heart.)

Making “New” Friends

While I’m writing this before my trip, by the time you read this, I will be in Other State and trying to find my way around one of the 5 largest metro areas. (Let’s see how many times I get lost or drive the wrong way on a one way street.)

Not only will I finally be seeing my husband after 3 and a half long weeks apart and getting to experience new restaurants and a new city and a new state and enjoy a little vacation away, but I will also be meeting some blog and twitter friends. 3 internet friends, to be precise.

EEEEEKKKK.

I am so very excited to meet these lovely ladies. I have been reading their blogs since I started this blog of my own. It feels like I have known them for a long time, but at the same time, I don’t know them.

Like me, they keep some things off the blogs and off of twitter. We all do. We all like to keep some things private. And even if I attempted to tell you all everything, it would be impossible.

So here I am, willingly going to meet 3 different women who I have never met before.

Sounds like the start of a horror film, doesn’t it?

Luckily, I have e-mailed and talked to them and I have decided that they are not serial killers or crazy people.

At least I don’t think so…

(Hi ladies. You know who you are. So excited!)

On Monday, I will be meeting up with one and her husband and some of their friends at a baseball game. Hubs and I both love baseball, so I figure it will be some common ground and will be fun. I think I’m less nervous than Mr. A. Poor guy is afraid he will embarrass me or something since these are people I have a connection to, and not him. He will be just fine. He’s good at talking to people. I’m not worried about him.

The other two ladies, we don’t have official plans, but one gets back from out of town on Monday and the other will be busy for the first few days, so once they get back and done with work stuff, we will figure it out.

I feel like I’m in grade school and trying to make new friends on the first day of class. What to wear. What to do. What to say. How to not look like an idiot. That might be the hard one.

Have any of you met up with internet friends? Any tips? Was it as awkward as I’m afraid it’s going to be?

(Girls, I swear I’m normal, I just get nervous meeting new people. Sorry!)

Love Affair

Nothing long or poignant.

And while my last post makes this seem hypocritical, I fell back in love with Twitter tonight.

It has led to some great friendships, amazing conversations, and thoughtful debates.

And to those who can disagree respectfully, thank you forever and ever from the bottom of my heart.

The funny comments. The witty remarks. The snark. The sarcasm. Love.

I still stand behind my previous post, but I am willing to forgive and move on.

Now, can we go back to discussing things like awards shows and Teen Mom and baseball and the best beauty products again?

But keep the snark and sarcasm. They make this fun.