I don’t exactly know how to say this. I don’t know exactly why I feel I need to say it other than it doesn’t feel real so maybe writing it will help.
I don’t know.
But tonight my stepmom took her life.
Nope. Still not real. Even rereading isn’t making it sink in.
Maybe it won’t ever sink in, but I needed to write it.
Mostly I need a place to not worry about how anyone else is feeling. I feel like I have to be strong for my dad and my stepsister. I cannot imagine what they are going through and I know my thoughts and fears are not their concern right now. So I get to come to this place and try in some small way to work through this.
Not sure that’s even possible right now but that’s where I am.
I’m rambling. I can’t seem to think straight. But I needed to see if it felt real so I could start to understand. Maybe I’ll just keep rereading until the words no longer mean anything. Maybe.



Filed under Useless

10 responses to “Finality

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. Truly.

  2. I know I already tweeted at you but just wanted to comment and let you know I’m thinking of you and your family. I can’t imagine the pain and heartache you are all experiencing right now. ❤

  3. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts. And I’m always here to listen.

  4. Brittany

    I am so sorry for your family’s heartache and loss.

  5. OMG I am so sorry. And saying I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. Hang in there. Sending thoughts your way.

  6. I am so sorry for you and your family. I wish there was something better to say than “I’m sorry”–it sounds so insufficient. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.

  8. Oh, my goodness. I am so very, very sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug and send something more than a virtual casserole. I can\’t begin to imagine how much you are all hurting. *hug*

  9. Oh, dear one. I am so very sorry for your loss.

  10. Oh my god. I know we were talking about it on Twitter, and I knew something had happened to her, and I knew she had passed… but oh my god. I had no idea. I am so incredibly sorry, E. I’m crying at my keyboard right now. My heart is breaking for you and your family. I know what it’s like to lose a parent but oh god, I can’t even imagine what you all are going through right now. My prayers are with you and yours, and especially your father and stepsister. God bless and keep you. If there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know. I wish there was something else I could say. I am so incredibly sorry.

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