Brick Wall

I have hit a wall.

And not a good wall. Not one where I’ve made progress, but now feel blocked. I would have a good attitude about that because at least some progress had been made.

Nope. I hit the wall that was about three feet from the starting line.

This metaphorical wall has to do with working out.

I don’t know what’s going on.

I had been making some progress with the C25K program during the semester, but then the last month happened and I nearly had a meltdown so any and all forms of exercise went out the window.

Hard to get to the gym when you are spending 12-18 hours a day in your office.

Yeah…we are going to hope that never happens again.

So I wanted to get started again this summer. I would have free time and could get into a schedule.

But then these every. single. day. headaches started and I was miserable.

Eventually, I made myself go anyways. I was hoping exercise would help.

And maybe it would have, except I can’t seem to do a damn thing.

Running for a minute feels like the hardest thing on the planet. Lifting weights isn’t very productive because I don’t know how to do much other than a couple arm things and the people that work in our weight room are either super bitchy girls that are just there to flirt or guys who think there’s no point helping me since I’m not trying to bench 100+ pounds.

The personal training sessions are OUTRAGEOUS and they are will students. While I understand this is the field they are going into, most of them are body builders that can eat 3 large pizzas and not gain an ounce. Maybe that’s not how they act, but they intimidate the shit out of me. I’ve also seen a few of them working with other people, and I’ve seen them make fun of their client to their friends when the client isn’t looking.

Sorry, not paying the money to feel even worse about myself.

I’m just frustrated. I’m not in a good place with it all.

I’m mad because I got myself to this point, and I’m mad because I can’t seem to do a damn thing about it.

I;m trying to seriously watch what I eat,but Mr. A (unknowingly) is sabotaging me.

See, Mr. A has gotten into power lifting/body building. (I know. How the HELL did the two of us end up together?! I ask this all the time…)

The boy HAS to eat 5000 calories a day in order to continue making gains. And he’s so serious about all of this that he is in the gym every day, counting out how much protein to make sure het gets enough.

But he can eat whatever he wants as long as he gets enough protein.

Also, he eats like 6 meals a day.

And not small meals. Normal people sized meals, 6 times a day.

Please tell me how that’s supposed to help me who is cutting down on stuff and can’t eat two Big Macs at 10pm? (And yes. He did that the other week. And I of course wanted something too. )

I love food. I do. I love carbs. They are glorious. I have shitty eating habits. I’m fully aware of this.

So while he says he will try to eat better with me, it doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t.

I’m about to tell him he can’t eat his extra meals or unhealthy things in the house because I can’t handle it. But that’s not fair to him and it’s his home too, so here I am.

I’m trying some new things today. Going to see how I feel about a cycle yoga class. I’ve never done yoga so this might go horribly. Who knows.

Also doesn’t help that the classes offered are few and at bizarre times.

Can I just have lipo now??



Filed under A little More About Me, Freak Out Much?, Wannabe former couch potato

7 responses to “Brick Wall

  1. Brittany

    Hey girl! Sounds like you need to make a list of all of your excuses and reasons for not working out. Then one by one try to make a plan for eliminating them. This worked for me, anyway! One of my excuses was like yours, I didn’t feel comfortable at the gym. So I eliminated that one by quitting my membership and renting DVDs from home. This solved another one of my excuses, which was that if I went to the gym right after work, it’d be really late by the time I had dinner made. I could start the oven when I started my DVD. Not to mention, library DVDs are free! Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred is a good place to start because it’s only 20 minutes. You can do anything for 20 minutes! Even if you have to take a quick break, etc. Just take your issues one by one and squash them, and soon you’ll be well on your way! And don’t worry if you have to take a week off or readjust as things come up. I had a really great workout regimen going the last 6 months of 2011, but then my commitments changed in early 2012 and I’ve been slacking on weekday evening workouts ever since. Tired of not working out as much as I’d like, and being unwilling to make fewer plans in the evenings, I got up early today to run for the first time ever, and I’m going to go to my pilates classes at 6:30 am, instead of bailing on my 6 pm classes. Hopefully I’m able to make this little experiment into a routine, and I know you can do anything you REALLY want to–it just has to be a true priority or you’ll keep letting other stuff get in the way (see me: since January!). You can do it!

  2. Lady. I feel your pain. That was me this winter. I think the first thing you need to do is ditch your gym. It sounds toxic for you. I agree with Brittany that maybe you should try some online workout videos or borrow 30-day Shred, P90X or Insanity DVDs (if your library doesn’t have them, ask around; someone you know does). There are also a ton of free workout apps for your phone. Don’t worry about not knowing what to do either. When you’re first starting, pretty much any weight-bearing exercise you do that doesn’t hurt is going to be good for you, whether you use weights or not. There’s a whole bunch of body-weight exercises you can do in the gym or at home without special equipment: pushups, chair dips, squats, lunges, hip raises, leg raises, and about a dozen variations on crunches. Mix them all together and you have a solid circuit workout.

    You may also want to join a group of like-minded people to help with your eating, since your husband is incapable of dieting with you. There’s nothing wrong or bad about that, you just have different goals and different needs. Some people do Weight Watchers/WW Online. I do My Fitness Pal and joined a couple groups to stay motivated and on track with my goals. I keep my “friends” list low and people actually care and comment on my workouts and eating, and my setback and feelings, etc. I try to ignore the fitness models, body builders and dieting addicts and their assvice.

    I’m reading a book that says one of the reasons diets fail is because we put so much emphasis on willpower: on mind over food, laziness and mental exhaustion. The key is to convince yourself that getting healthier/stronger/leaner is more important than the other stuff. Then it’s no longer a matter of willpower but a matter of passion. I WILL be healthier. I NEED to be healthier. It’s the only option. It’s hard to get to that point, but I’m sure trying.

    Good luck, it’s a hard fight but you can do it!

    • I didn’t even realize MyFitnessPal had a group/friends option. I may have to look into this. I have considered WW Online- first, the real meetings make me nervous because of where I live. I imagine I’d be the only person under the age of 40. The online option might work better though- I’m already used to spilling my guts on the internet :o)

      • No way. You’d be surprised how many people our age do WW Online.

      • I do the online version of WW and, with that and the iPhone app, it is so easy to track all of your food and activities. It’s super easy to use–I like it so much better than MyFitnessPal–which makes it easy to stay on track and lose weight! I also like that you get to earn points for working out. Even if you don’t use them, it’s like a visual “pat on the back” each time you look at the points you’ve earned. As far as the working out part…I’m all for things you can do at home–anything Jillian Michaels is a great workout. Also look online and at the library. If you have an iPhone or iPad, you can download the Nike Training Club (NTC) app (I think they have a Droid app, too) which is full of all different kinds and levels of workouts. You might also want to look into classes at places beyond the gym–my city always has great deals for fitness classes on Groupon and Living Social. I agree with you, I’m not too keen on the gym and find it really, really hard to motivate myself to workout. My recommendation is to keep playing around with different things until you find something that makes you happy and want to do it. Good luck! 🙂

  3. I’m kinda in the same boat… I was following Jamie Eason’s LiveFit Trainer for 10 out of 12 weeks before stopping. I was working out 5 days a week for 1 1/2 to sometimes 2 hours. Only problem was I was putting work (and my billables) kinda on the backburner. Not good. So I basically flipped the two. I wake up at 5:30am and usually don’t get home unil 9pm. There really isn’t time to work out. I’m bummed and frustrated by that but right now work and getting things in line to possibhly start a family are my priorities. What good is working out and having a great (kinda) body if my job is on the line which means a family isn’t in the near future. It’s a trade off, I guess. I don’t like it but, for now, I’ll deal.

  4. I don’t know if you have Netflix, but they have some fitness videos. Also there are some great full length videos on YouTube. Send me a Facebook message and I’ll send you the links to some of my favorites. And stick with it – you can do it. 🙂

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