Wasn’t going to blog today.
But today I was trying to be positive. Today I was trying my hardest to not be in a funk. Today I was working on faking it.
I had lunch with my dad. I ran a couple errands. I wandered Walmart just for something to do. (During that time I realized I’ve developed the new anxious habit of ringing my hands or constantly turning my necklace. My hands are as anxious as I am.)
I took a shower and washed my hair even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Mr. A and I are going out to dinner just to get out of the house. Do we need to spend the money? Not really. But we need to do something, and since I work all weekend (and the closing shifts) I figured what the hell. Tomorrow’s pay day and we won’t go overboard.
I was even in kind of a good mood. At least not a crying in the shower mood. So I decided to repaint my toenails. They were a dark color and I wanted something fun and bright.
So I start taking the polish off my toes thinking if I wanted to do the new pink or tangerine color.
AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT MIL AND I GOT NEW MANICURES YESTERDAY AND I WAS USING MY HANDS TO TAKE THE POLISH OFF.
Yepp. Screwed up my brand new manicure that made me smile everytime I looked at the summery color and it wasn’t messed up. It didn’t even last 24 hours before I managed to eff it up. This shouldn’t be life shattering, but of course it put me into tears and ready to punch someone in the face.
That’s my mental space right now. I can’t think about anything other than what is upsetting me and I am a complete space case.
And I don’t even want to paint my toes anymore. Or go out to dinner. I want to sit in my pjs, eat crap food, and not talk to anyone.
Just when I thought I was doing (marginally) better.
That doctor’s appointment seems inevitable.