3 Steps Back

Wasn’t going to blog today.

But today I was trying to be positive. Today I was trying my hardest to not be in a funk. Today I was working on faking it.

I had lunch with my dad. I ran a couple errands. I wandered Walmart just for something to do. (During that time I realized I’ve developed the new anxious habit of ringing my hands or constantly turning my necklace. My hands are as anxious as I am.)

I took a shower and washed my hair even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Mr. A and I are going out to dinner just to get out of the house. Do we need to spend the money? Not really. But we need to do something, and since I work all weekend (and the closing shifts) I figured what the hell. Tomorrow’s pay day and we won’t go overboard.

I was even in kind of a good mood. At least not a crying in the shower mood. So I decided to repaint my toenails. They were a dark color and I wanted something fun and bright.

So I start taking the polish off my toes thinking if I wanted to do the new pink or tangerine color.

AND THEN I REMEMBERED THAT MIL AND I GOT NEW MANICURES YESTERDAY AND I WAS USING MY HANDS TO TAKE THE POLISH OFF.

Yepp. Screwed up my brand new manicure that made me smile everytime I looked at the summery color and it wasn’t messed up. It didn’t even last 24 hours before I managed to eff it up. This shouldn’t be life shattering, but of course it put me into tears and ready to punch someone in the face.

That’s my mental space right now. I can’t think about anything other than what is upsetting me and I am a complete space case.

And I don’t even want to paint my toes anymore. Or go out to dinner. I want to sit in my pjs, eat crap food, and not talk to anyone.

Just when I thought I was doing (marginally) better.

That doctor’s appointment seems inevitable.

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8 Comments

Filed under Confessions, Freak Out Much?

8 responses to “3 Steps Back

  1. Listen, sometimes you just need a date night no matter what. Even if you don’t have the $ or the time or whatever. I was at that point last weekend, thus we went into the city and rented a paddle boat. Really not something we needed to do, but the mental health benefit lift was like 100000%.

  2. Aw, I’m so sorry. I can understand small things setting you off. My own sweet husband has finally started to figure out when I’m in a modd like that and just to deal with any tears I shed.

    But I hope y’all enjoy dinner at least. 🙂 Don’t worry (too much), and hopefully you’ll hear soon. 🙂

  3. Amanda

    I am sorry you are still feeling so down! Even though I don’t know you if I lived closer I would happily come get you & take you out for a much needed girls night. Afer getting a fresh mani/pedi. I hope things get better for you! *Hugs* 🙂

  4. HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS.

    I know how it feels when it seems like it will never get better.

    If you think that apt will make you feel better, then do it. Happiness is a wonderful and amazing thing, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t feel it too.

    Feel better love.

  5. Sarah

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I really do wish we lived closer so we could go out and have a fun girl’s night with no worries. I know how bad it feels when it seems like nothing is right. I hope you two have a wonderful time on your date night tonight! 🙂 *hugs*

  6. Man, it’s just hard when that funk comes along and won’t be shaken off. I feel for you. It’s a heaviness that you just hope lifts or dissipates like fog.

    I hope the week is improving.

    -R.

  7. Girlie, things will get better. I’m glad you guys went out for a date night – you needed that.

    My personal opinion is that you should go ahead and at least check in with the doctor. Just checking in can be important and can just help with your peace of mind as well.

    Always here to talk if you need anything. xoxo

  8. Jessica @ Acting Adult

    Oh dear. Darling, I just want to give you a big ole hug. Wanna drive in and I’ll take you out for a drink?

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