Step Back

For those of you who have read my blog for a while, you can probably tell there has been a pretty drastic shift in mood and attitude recently. I’ve always tried to be honest and talk about my life in a semi-open way without airing all the dirty laundry on the internet or giving too much away about us since some people are crazy and I don’t necessarily want them to find me.

For newer readers, maybe you always think I’m this sad and depressing. I wasn’t. It probably started when I was about 2 months into unemployment. I hit some dark spots. I shared parts, but not all. I may have been unemployed, but at least we don’t have kids to pay for and we had student loans to pay for bills for a while. Mr. A’s mom was helping and we weren’t going to starve. I knew, even in the days when I could hardly force myself out of bed because I didn’t see the point, I still knew it would get better or that I should be grateful for what we had because others had it worse.

And then I got a job, and it seemed to get better for a while. It wasn’t my ideal job, but after applying for all sorts of places and quickly contemplating fast food, it was better than nothing. Even better? I kind of liked it. At least I was out of the house and interacting with people.

But that has seemed short lived. I’m not going to write about everything. At least not now, not when I’m in the middle of it all.

So, if I don’t write everyday like I want to, it’s just because I’m waiting to write about something happy, funny, or even just everyday goings-on. But I need to be a little more cautious with writing about the problems all the time. Maybe if I focus on the happier events, then it will make things a little happier on my side of the internet.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Step Back

  1. I’ve been there and more than understand! 🙂 Newlywed life can be a roller coaster – but the upswings are so much fun!

  2. I totally understand. I thought once I found a job it would lift a lot of my unemployment depression, but I quickly realized how much of my self esteem had been completely shattered by losing my job and the 6 months it took me to find something pathetic.

    In the end therapy saved me. It’s been a long two years since I lost my job, but things are better than they once were.

    Sometimes you have to take getting happy and healthy back into your own hands.

    I sincerely wish you the best luck…

  3. I think when you continuously write about sad things, it makes you dwell on them and they can consume you. I think it’s smart for you to sort of edit your posts in that way.

    But know that you will get through this. I know you will. And we’ll be here to listen in the sad times and then rejoice when they’re not so sad again.

  4. I’m totally the wrong person to talk to you! Lol. I am totally Debbie Downer in Oregon. In fact, I kinda broke down yesterday. Just told Doug that this place had made me someone I am not and I HATE IT….and I am one who tells everyone how I am feeling. I can’t fake it at all. Lol. Anyways- I see you for where you are at in your circumstances and I feel your pain girl!

    • I don’t tend to hide my feelings very well, especially if I’m mad or upset. And I’m usually willing to be pretty open, and I would probably be more open if I wasn’t worried about people I know finding my blog. haha I’m so sorry you aren’t happy in Oregon, but hopefully you can move as soon as he’s done next year!!

  5. as jessica said, i find that when i focus on the negative, it overcomes me. and that scares me, so i tend to just not post when those periods come into my life.

    i’m a new reader. i’m sorry that you’re going through this hard time right now, but from what i’ve seen, you’ve got a great heart and yall will come out of this swinging. ❤

  6. I am so very sorry that life is rough lately. I’d offer some platitude like “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” but you already know that.

    So just know that I – and I’m sure I speak for your other readers and real-life loved ones – am in your corner and I know good things are coming up. Hang in there.

  7. I know we all relate to each other in some way, so I will tell you what helped me. I have always been a depressed person (my mom used to call me Eeyore), but it wasn’t until about three years ago that I could see how it was really affecting my adult life. I decided to talk to my doctor. I knew I didn’t have all the answers to I turned to someone who could help me. She helped me decide the right path to get me to the point where I could get up and get through the day without the sadness and tears. I am so grateful for her help.

    I know money is beyond tight, but there are a lot of inexpensive treatments available and your doctor can help you figure out a plan that works for you.

    We are all hear to listen and wish you the best!

  8. You’re going through some HUGE adjustments this year lady… You’re a trooper just for keeping on keeping on! Hang in there and keep your chin up. xo

  9. I think you’re awesome just for trying so hard — and you’re such a good support system for Mr. A while he’s going through school. Sending you lots of love and happy thoughts, dear! 🙂

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