Houston, we have a problem with lift off.
Wait, that sounds like my husband has, ehem, personal issues. He doesn’t. I’m not talking about this.
What I mean is, my MIL is showing a side to her that I didn’t know about.
I have loved my MIL from the beginning.
She welcomed me into her house with open arms. She’s very funny. Her and I have enjoyed many drinks together. She took me out for my first drink when I turned 21. She was there for me when I was a little homesick. I was at her house when I was told my grandma probably wouldn’t make it through the night. Mr. A was out of town on a work retreat, so she let me stay at her house so I wasn’t by myself. She’s helped to take care of me when I was sick. She would also just give me a gatorade and some advil when we came over and I was obviously “under the weather”. She’d laugh and say, “It happens to all of us.” We’ve girl talked. Gone to chick flicks together so the boys didn’t have to.
She’s bought me things. She’s spoiled me rotten. She’s loved having a girl to shop for Christmas and she’s gone above and beyond what she should.
I have always liked her a lot. In my mom’s speech at rehearsal dinner, she even thanked her for everything she did when my mom was too far away to help.
So you see, going into this marriage, I was so excited, and even bragged about how lucky I was to have in laws I liked so much.
Ummm….things may have changed.
I’ve mentioned this before, but until a couple months ago, Mr. A had always lived within a 5 minute drive of her.
He went to college in the same town he grew up in. He got his MBA at the same school. 23 years and he has never not lived in his hometown.
Anyone see the problem that is developing?
She won’t leave us alone.
It’s not obvious. She doesn’t call constantly, but when he calls, she’ll say, “I just don’t want to bother you..” She may not mean to, but it sounds like she’s trying to get sympathy and it annoys me to no end.
I receive “I miss you guys” text messages. I e-mailed her about when the family Thanksgiving would be, and it turned into this drawn out thing.
She made food and froze it for us the last time she came to visit. I truly appreciate it. I use about one a week- gives me one night that I don’t have to cook a meal and give me a break from my new cooking hobby. She asked if we needed more and seemed hurt when I told her that we still had some of each. Yes each. She made four different types of food and lots of servings of each.
Yes, she’s helping financially. She’s paying Mr. A’s car payments right now and has offered to help in the future if we need it. I’m praying we don’t need it.
And then today happened.
Tomorrow, we are headed to Mr. A’s hometown because his best friend’s, his best man at our wedding, surprise birthday party is this weekend. More precisely, tomorrow night. By chance, Mr. A’s afternoon class was cancelled for tomorrow, so we get to leave at noon. That puts us in Mtown around 2. We’re not meeting up with our friends till about 5 to go to the lake house, so we have some free time. Also, we are planning on staying at my MIL’s so we don’t have to drive the whole way back after being out with our friends all night.
Mr. A calls his mom today to let her know and all that. We figured we would stop by her office when we got into town to say hello and all that. Probably have breakfast with her Saturday morning before lunch with the FIL and heading back home.
This is her girls’ golf getaway weekend.
They are leaving tomorrow at noon and will be gone till Sunday.
Okay. No big deal. We were there last weekend and it probably wouldn’t be long before we were back there again. I mean, all through undergrad, it wasn’t uncommon for me to go a month before seeing my parents. By the time we go to my hometown, it will have been a month.
But guess what? I’m an adult. Shocking, I know. But I am.
Even more? I’m married. To a great and wonderful man who is also an adult and fully capable of taking care of himself and me.
She got all panicked that she wasn’t going to be there. She even tried to see if the other girls would be willing to skip their golf game tomorrow so that they could leave later so that she could see us. REALLY?
Like rational human beings, her friends said no since they had already paid for tomorrow’s tee time.
She’s coming up here one night next week to see us.
Am I the only one bothered by this???
Not only does this mess up my meal planning for next week, that I’ve already done, but then I feel obligated to clean the apartment, look nice enough to go out to dinner, and act like I couldn’t be happier to have my MIL insist on coming to visit.
Last weekend, my mom came down on Saturday and took me to Macy’s because she had an awesome coupon that would get me a $100 dress that was on sale for around $32. We shopped. Mr. A studied. She offered to buy us lunch, and then she went on her happy way home. I was the one that called to see if she had a coupon and I was either going to drive up to get it or she was willing to come down.
She was at the apartment no more than 20 minutes and got me out of the apartment so Mr. A could study.
Somehow, I see the difference between these.
Also, I tweeted a little while back about being nervous and anxious about figuring out how to divide up Christmas now that we’re married. My dad’s side does Christmas Eve together and then my brother and I would go to my mom’s for Christmas morning. Both Mr. A and I did Christmas morning with our moms, and then we would alternate years as to who drove to who Christmas day afternoon. That way, we both had our mornings with our mom and then we saw each other later in the day.
His family doesn’t do anything on Christmas Eve, and I was nervous about my dad’s response to us only being there every other year. (My dad’s side gets weird about people not being at family functions and they don’t always take into consideration other family obligations.
I have talked at length with my mom about alternating years for Christmas, but who to skip first.
My mom’s response: “You guys do whatever works. I will be willing to do our Christmas either before or after. You guys are married so you have to decide. If you think your dad will be most upset, then go to Mr. A’s family this year. That way your dad gets used to the idea of you not always being there.”
My mom has always wanted what was best for us and, as her mom never did, she doesn’t put pressure to visit or be there. She’s always excited and happy to see us, but she knows we’re busy.
MIL’s response: “Well, I guess switching years is fine. I sure will hate it when you’re not here. Maybe you can drive back down Christmas day afternoon like you have in the past!”
Lady, if it’s my family’s year for Christmas, I’m not leaving early. The same as when it’s Mr. A’s family- we will spend all Christmas there and arrange something with mine for another date.
I’m putting it to you. Am I looking at this wrong or is she being pushy and a little clingy? She writes on both of our Facebook walls about her missing us. Does your MIL do things like this? What do I do??