My mother and I have become a lot closer over the past few years. I would call us friends, even. Which considering how much we fought, even 4 years ago, I would never have thought “friend” would ever have described her.
But it does and I value her opinion.
When I was younger, I thought my mom was dumb and didn’t know anything and I was a super genius and I was getting so much by her.
When her and I were talking the other week, she said she knew a lot of what I was doing, and depending on how harmful it could be, she would let it go or confront it. (My best friend A, the guy that was my “bride’s man”- my mom said that if he was going to be there, she pretty much always let me go because she figured I would be safe with him around. My mom was such a sap.)
So, yes. I like to get advice from my mom or talk about things with her. Even more so now that I’m married, I turn to her because none of my close friends are married and I’m living in a town where I don’t have any friends yet.
She has given some great advice and tips. She’s helped with decorating and how to arrange some things in the apartment because Mr. A and I are pretty clueless about this whole household thing.
But…I don’t know that I always agree with her advice.
Most recently, her idea that I should be doing everything and Mr. A shouldn’t have to do a thing.
Umm…..is it 1924?
I don’t think so Mom.
Yes, I will take over a few extra things since Mr. A will need to study and do stuff for law school, but that doesn’t mean I become the maid and house servant and he gets to do nothing. We are BOTH in this marriage and that means we BOTH have to contribute to the household and the relationship.
My mom was shocked that Mr. A was doing laundry last Sunday and I wasn’t. He offered and let me sleep in some. Why would I turn that down?
Tomorrow, I’ll be doing laundry while he’s at school. And I will vacuum and dust and do little cleaning tasks. I do actually do something while I’m home. (Like look for a job…..)
My mom also can’t believe our arrangement where if I make dinner, he cleans the dishes, or vice versa. That way the person who is making the meal gets a little help. We’re only two people. We don’t have that many dishes to do and I usually do all the little dishes that get left around from drinks or snacks.
I know I’m home right now, but I won’t be forever. I plan on getting a full time job and getting my ass out of this apartment. And when I start putting in full days, I don’t plan on coming home and being Susie Homemaker all the time.
I think we have to share the responsibilities. When big papers come or finals, I will be more than happy to take over all the chores so he can study and do what he needs to in order to get the grades to get the job. That’s the whole reason we’ve moved to the city we’re in-his law school.
I am more than happy to support him and he supports me. We’re a partnership. He may be the one going to classes and taking exams, but we’re in this together.
But what do you think? Even if your spouse isn’t in law school, how do you balance? If your spouse is in a high demand job or a demanding graduate program, how do you handle it? Do you take over everything or do you share the responsibilities?
I’m just hoping I’m not being some super mean nazi wife.