A quick little post. I’m trying to finish wedding picture posting tonight. We shall see.
But, first things first.
I didn’t get the job. No. No pity. I’m just fine. Actually, it was a relief. The combination of a 2 hour commute, internship requirements, and teaching TWO plays at a school that is known for their fantastic plays. That’s a bit too much. Especially for a first year teacher who has to come up with ALL of their lessons and units since I don’t have years worth of experience and activities to back me up.
I also found out that they picked someone else because they knew Mr. A is in law school, and no matter what I said, they knew I would be gone in 3 years and they don’t want to be hiring another drama director in 3 years. The principal even told me that I could use her as a reference and to call her if I ever need anything. I think the other person was just a better fit. So no hard feelings.
So I’m fine. However, I was a little depressed when I found out Friday. Even though I was relieved, this is the first job I have ever interviewed for and didn’t get the job. So that was a blow. Mostly to my ego.
This whole experience right now has been a blow to my ego and what I’m doing with my life. And maybe this is teaching me to come back to earth, work a little harder, get a little creative, and toughen up. I’ll get there. I’m actually doing better with this than I ever thought I would be. Now, if I don’t get a job soon, that could be a different story.
So that’s that. It happened. It’s a learning experience. I’m moving on.
I’ve contemplated not posting this part, but so many of you have become like friends, and I think i just need to get it off my chest so I can move on. Because keeping it to myself isn’t doing me any good. And I’m displacing my anger on others. Mostly, my husband. For better or worse, right?
Mostly, I need to let it go. But for some reason, it keeps nagging me. I think the universe is having fun testing every area of my personality that I have issues with. At the same time.
Please don’t judge me. I’m working on it.
So. I didn’t get the job. Want to know who did? A girl I graduated with. A girl who was in my group of friends. We were/are friends. But she’s shady and I’ve decided not to be as close with her because of certain things. But she’s friends with my friends, so I’m a little stuck. It also doesn’t help that I became friends, then found out she and Mr. A knew each other from grade school/ high school and HATE each other. Can you say awkward?
Well, she also applied for this job. Fine. Perfect. We all need a job. But she knew I student taught there. She knew I was close with a bunch of the teachers. So she started asking me for tips/inside information. Not ONCE did she ask if I was applying. Granted, she knew we were moving, but she could have asked. Nope. She just wanted the inside scoop.
I, being selfish and bothered by all of this, was vague. I didn’t go totally mean girls and give wrong information, but I didn’t really give anything.
Of course, when I show up for the interview, she’s walking out. She made a couple snide, underhanded comments about, “I don’t know about that commute.” or “Can you teach drama?”
See? It’s getting to me. And then she got the job. And, even though I’m pretty sure of the reasons I listed above for my not getting the job, but what if?
What if they didn’t really like me even though I was there for 5 months. What if they thought she was better qualified, even though we took all the same classes and my gpa was better? What if they thought she would be a better teacher than me? What if they thought I wouldn’t be a good teacher? There are a lot of what if’s right now.
And you know the biggest thing about all of this? It hit my ego. It’s blasted my self-esteem into dust and I’m not sure what to do.
Yes, I know I wrote 5 paragraphs ago about embracing this experience and branching out. But I went to school for 4.5 years to be a teacher. I loved student teaching. But what if I’m not good enough? What if I picked the wrong career path? I can’t afford to go back to school. And the other things that interest me would involve me practically starting over in undergrad AND getting a master’s. Forensic psychology? Master’s needed plus specific training. Interior designer/event planner? Business or interior design degree and experience. PR or marketing? Business degree. Child therapist/psychologist. New undergrad and master’s.
This is not what I started this post as. But it’s all pouring out of me. I’m talking to the husband on Facebook, freaking out. I’m crying in my makeshift room at my MIL’s house and I’m feeling very lost and confused. Ashley, from the Accidental Olympian, I am getting a glimpse of what you felt like when you had to change jobs.
I think I need a BIG box of wine, True Blood season 2 on DVD, my comfy pajamas and to wallow for a few days.
Too bad I’m in a wedding Saturday and have a bachelorette thing tomorrow, rehearsal Friday, and wedding Saturday all day. And did I mention that this friend that got the job is part of the wedding so I get to be with her all day and cringe every time someone congratulates her or she asks me more about the school? Shoot me.
I just reread this. I sound pathetic. And I am. I’m not looking for pity. Maybe just advice on how to pick up the puddle that used to be my confidence and find a job. And hoe the heck did I go from being “fine” to a withering blob on the floor in one post?