I don’t know what my deal is.
It shouldn’t be PMS.
But I have been completely crabby and everything bothers me.
And for some reason, little things with the fiance are driving me nuts. I’m trying not to explode on him or anything, but I can’t figure it out.
I mean, I haven’t been a bridezilla at all. I’ve been really calm and collected about all the wedding stuff. I like everything we’re doing. I got excited when we met with the photographer the other weekend and laid out a timeline.
But something isn’t settling right.
I KNOW fiance is perfect for me. Not that he’s perfect, but we balance each other so very well and I love him more than I think I can describe. We have a couple few kinks to work out, but who doesn’t when they’re about to move in with someone for the first time? Mostly along the lines of he’s a neat freak and I can be a little messy. Not dirty, but clothes tend to just be all over the floor. (Switching houses every week since I was 7 might have something to do with that.)
I don’t know if this is some version of cold feet or what. Like, the simple fact that he didn’t have anything figure out for our plans tonight just made me mad to no end. Granted, he’s a man and has always been bad at planning. I couldn’t say anything because his best friend was over and I didn’t want to seem whiny or bitchy, but I was bothered. Normally, I wouldn’t care.
It’s almost as it gets closer, I get less excited. That sounds bad.
I don’t want a ton of comments about don’t marry someone you’re not sure about. That’s not it.
I don’t know how to explain it. I can’t find the words to the eloquence to define my feelings or attitude correctly.
And it’s not even just him. Other things are just infuriating to me when I can logically tell myself that it’s not a big deal and not to worry about it.
Such as a girl who there have been issues with, got engaged last night. While she may not be my favorite, I would normally be excited for anything and dying to see pictures of the ring or hear about the engagement. I love all those things. But I couldn’t find it in me to be happy for her. I was just negative. I wrote a huge long post about it all last night with all the gritty details of the issues, but then I realized it made me look whiny and petty so I deleted it.
I don’t want to be like that. At all. I try not to be like that. It doesn’t matter.
What is wrong with me?? People ask me about the wedding and I end up giving as few details as possible. Or just giving the generic, “It’s getting close.” or “We don’t have much left to do.”
I need some pep or something. I’m nervous about the bridal shower tomorrow because it is for the fiance’s side of the family and I won’t know most of the people there because they are distant relatives or friends of his mom that I haven’t met and it’s just going to be awkward.
I mean, I sit in the middle of people, opening presents from people I don’t know. All eyes on me and watching my every move. It’s strange.
Okay. I’m stopping. Any calming advice would be appreciated.
Must get out of this funk. Now.
New Teacher New Wife