Cold feet?

I don’t know what my deal is.

It shouldn’t be PMS.

But I have been completely crabby and everything bothers me.

And for some reason, little things with the fiance are driving me nuts. I’m trying not to explode on him or anything, but I can’t figure it out.

I mean, I haven’t been a bridezilla at all. I’ve been really calm and collected about all the wedding stuff. I like everything we’re doing. I got excited when we met with the photographer the other weekend and laid out a timeline.

But something isn’t settling right.

I KNOW fiance is perfect for me. Not that he’s perfect, but we balance each other so very well and I love him more than I think I can describe. We have a couple few kinks to work out, but who doesn’t when they’re about to move in with someone for the first time? Mostly along the lines of he’s a neat freak and I can be a little messy. Not dirty, but clothes tend to just be all over the floor. (Switching houses every week since I was 7 might have something to do with that.)

I don’t know if this is some version of cold feet or what. Like, the simple fact that he didn’t have anything figure out for our plans tonight just made me mad to no end. Granted, he’s a man and has always been bad at planning. I couldn’t say anything because his best friend was over and I didn’t want to seem whiny or bitchy, but I was bothered. Normally, I wouldn’t care.

It’s almost as it gets closer, I get less excited. That sounds bad.

I don’t want a ton of comments about don’t marry someone you’re not sure about. That’s not it.

I don’t know how to explain it. I can’t find the words to the eloquence to define my feelings or attitude correctly.

And it’s not even just him. Other things are just infuriating to me when I can logically tell myself that it’s not a big deal and not to worry about it.

Such as a girl who there have been issues with, got engaged last night. While she may not be my favorite, I would normally be excited for anything and dying to see pictures of the ring or hear about the engagement. I love all those things. But I couldn’t find it in me to be happy for her. I was just negative. I wrote a huge long post about it all last night with all the gritty details of the issues, but then I realized it made me look whiny and petty so I deleted it.

I don’t want to be like that. At all. I try not to be like that. It doesn’t matter.

What is wrong with me?? People ask me about the wedding and I end up giving as few details as possible. Or just giving the generic, “It’s getting close.” or “We don’t have much left to do.”

I need some pep or something. I’m nervous about the bridal shower tomorrow because it is for the fiance’s side of the family and I won’t know most of the people there because they are distant relatives or friends of his mom that I haven’t met and it’s just going to be awkward.

I mean, I sit in the middle of people, opening presents from people I don’t know. All eyes on me and watching my every move. It’s strange.

Okay. I’m stopping. Any calming advice would be appreciated.

Must get out of this funk. Now.

New Teacher New Wife

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Cold feet?

  1. I have a few friends who were EXCITED about their wedding from the second they got engaged to weeks after the honeymoon. I was not like that at all.

    We had a relatively long engagement. He proposed Nov 2, 2008, and we were married December 19, 2009. This was also my graduation day. I had literally just finished my internship the day before.

    By the time wedding week rolled around, I was just ready for it to be over. I was excited about the honeymoon and about getting to spend time with my husband rather than the hundred people that made the wedding possible.

    After thirteen months of wedding, wedding, wedding, I was just burnt out. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to hear about it. I was over it. That being said, I WAS still excited about marrying my husband. I just wasn’t excited about the wedding. Finally, at the rehearsal, I was able to slow down and focus on the wedding, and that’s when I really started getting excited about it. I stopped wishing it was over and started really enjoying it. At the rehearsal!

    The point is, there’s no “normal” way for you to be feeling right now. Everyone’s different, so try not to freak out. Chances are, you are stressed even if you don’t realize it. Even when you know you’re marrying the right person, even when you’ve known that this would be the person you would marry for years, it’s still a huge decision and a huge commitment, and you’re allowed to over-think things and have a few “how can I possibly live with this crazy/dirty/annoying person for the rest of my life?” moments!

    PS-Sorry for writing a novel…

  2. Thanks. I appreciate it. Helps to know I’m not the only person who went through some apprehension. And I guess I am excited, but we’ve been planning all this for 17 months, so it’s just strange for it to finally be here.

    Also, it seems every expects me to be stressed out, and I’m not, which then makes me think I’m missing something, so I stress out. haha

  3. I would say your feelings are natural. My husband and I actually only had a 4 month engagement, and I think we got on each other’s nerves the most during that time period. Lol. I think it’s just an underlying feeling of nerves, planning an “event” (I hate to say it that way), and really anticipating the joy of marriage. Once we were actually married, on the honeymoon, and resumed with our “normal” life, it was all good. I just think the engagement time kind of throws off the normal groove. Don’t feel bad. We felt the same way. I think it proved that love is not always an emotion… it’s an active choice to… and when all is said and done, you need to be able to remember that through marriage. You will always LOVE each other, but you may not like each other. Being able to overcome those “weird” moments proves that you always love. šŸ™‚ That may not make sense… it’s Friday night. Look forward to that when you start your awful commute… your brain turns to mush by Friday. I will say many prayers for you!

  4. I never for a second had any sort of weird feelings toward/about my fiance before the wedding, although when we were 80% through our engagement, I was just SO OVER IT (and we were only engaged for 5 months!!). I didn’t want to make any more decisions. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to show up and do the damn thing!

    BUT. The morning after the wedding, we had not slept for nearly 48 hours. We were picked up to go to the airport at about 3:30 in the morning after our wedding, so we didn’t even go to sleep that night. And you know how airports are, kind of frustrating even under the best circumstances. We had to be really careful to not direct our grumpiness to each other. But every once in a while, there would be a grumpy tone of voice, or someone would say something about how tired/frustrated they were, and I’d be “OH MY GOD, I AM STUCK WITH THAT WHINY VOICE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!” Also, the day after the wedding, a sudden sobering fact registered: We are now at risk for divorce. Does that make sense? No matter how great things are, we run a risk of getting divorced, since the only way this ship will go down is through death or divorce. Scary!

    But those feelings went as quickly as they came, and by Day 2, they were just a memory šŸ™‚

  5. I don’t want to sound whiny. There has just been a lot going on and I think he was a little stressed with finals for his MBA also.
    But, had my second bridal shower today and it was amazing and I don’t seem to be in my funk anymore. The wedding is in 3 WEEKS! And I am so very excited!!!

    Thank you for all the support!

  6. Right before my wedding I was really irritable. I was stressed, I was starting to resent the entire wedding process, I was just SO OVER IT. I think how you are feeling is totally normal! Try to enjoy this moment the best you can, because when its all over you will take a breath and be like “Huh. I kind of miss it!” (but I know that is easier said then done!!)

  7. TOTALLY NORMAL.

    I can’t remember exactly what… I think some last minute stresses… Plus a horrible cold… And me being on one side of the country while my husband-to-be was on the other side… But I had a few nights of doubt. Definitely a bunch of times where I thought, “Can I really deal with this man’s XYZ habit for ETERNITY?”

    And LOTS of crabiness. There just came a point when – like Law School Wife – I was just So Over It. The planning and the petty arguments and the trying-to-please-everyone. Plus did I mention the SICKNESS?

    I think it’s totally natural. It’s a huge commitment. Your mind is trying to justify the major decision you’re making. And if you are extra irritated by things that never really bugged you before, it’s just natural. Really.

    And I think irritation/crabiness/extra sensitivity is different from true doubts. If you have real, actual doubts, then that’s a whole different animal. But it sounds like you are just having a little bit of wedding planning fatigue coupled with plain old cold feet.

    It will be okay. The day of your wedding, when you see your man at the end of the aisle, all those doubts will disappear.

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