I’ve always been one to hang out with the boys. I’m not sporty or a tom boy, but I have always connected more with guys and been able to form much closer friendships with them.
My best friend in kindergarten was a boy. I was the only girl at his birthday parties for three years. Then he moved. It was heartbreaking. Oh 6-year-old romance….
But that trend has followed me until this very day. I mean, I couldn’t come up with bridesmaids, but other than my brother, my other “bride’s man” is my best friend since 4th grade. We didn’t go to college in the same city ( or even state), and he now lives even farther away for grad school, but when we talk, it’s like nothing has ever changed. We may not talk all the time, but if there is every anything going on, we can pick up the phone and call.
Aren’t I supposed to have that kind of relationship with a girl? Aren’t I supposed to be with my maid of honor constantly by this time and be talking with her about wedding plans and babies?
I mean, I have girl friends. I have a group of four who have taken over my bachelorette party and planned some surprise night, which I am so appreciative of, especially since they aren’t in the wedding. But….
I don’t feel I can call and just chat or talk about problems. I mean, the fiance and I are great, but sometimes he annoys me and I just need to vent.
And now, the problem is about to get even trickier. All the guys that I’m friends with are even in fiance’s fraternity, so there is a level of understanding that I’m taken and he knows it’s not a problem. I probably can get away with being a little flirty because so many of them have taken roles of big brothers, so there isn’t any awkwardness of “does he like me?” “does she like me?”
But here we are. About 4 months from moving to a new place, where neither of us knows anyone and we both are going to have to make some new friends. Easy for him. Lots of guys in law school. I’m sure he’ll find plenty that he connects with and want to hang out with. Me? Well….not going to be as easy.
I mean, how comfortable would your significant other be if you were out hanging out with guys he didn’t know, without him?? My point exactly.
So, what do I do? I’m sure I will find some girls that I connect to, but in my 23 years on this earth, I have yet to find a true female friend. In high school, I may not have chosen the best groups, but even they had close friends. I just wasn’t one of them. I always seemed to get walked on and used as a source of jokes. I had a “best friend” crush an entire box of exlax into a soda while at a party and sent me to the hospital. Aren’t teenagers sweet??
So, I turn to you. What do I do? Do I forge friendships that I’m not going to be comfortable with, or do I do what comes naturally and face, possibly, problems in my new, and already challenged marriage due to law school? I do not do well when I don’t have friends or people to turn to and I’m not going to be able to turn to the fiance as much because he will be under his own stress and pressures and won’t be able to deal with me and my girly whining.
I feel like that’s what I’m doing now, but I’m terrified. I’m terrified of being lonely the rest of my life. I know I will have my husband, but I need more than that. He has his friends and his own things going on. I need mine. I’m just not sure what to do.
So, I put it you to see if you have any advice. Maybe someone out there has been through the same thing.Maybe.