Hypocrite

I have an admission folks.

I, NewTeacherWife, am a hypocrite.

Why you ask? Well, really, you wouldn’t know.

You see, about 4 days ago I was typing a post about how much I was enjoying my alone time. I was going on and on about how even though I missed him, I was enjoying spending time by myself. I went and got a manicure. I could watch endless hours of Sex and the City. I could eat a late dinner, even if it was just cereal. I slept in the middle of the bed and hogged all the blankets and the pillows. I even went to a movie alone. A movie!! Alone!!

The post was all about spending the time, very clichely, finding myself and learning more about me and what I like.

And this this crazy year and all that I had gone through emotionally and mentally, the alone time was nice.

It wasn’t like I didn’t see him for 6 weeks. He came up on the weekends or I went down to Mville during the week when I didn’t work. So it was a nice balance of alone time and spending time with my husband.

I wrote out this whole, wonderful post and just hadn’t finished it, so it didn’t get posted. I was planning on writing the ending and letting all you blog readers read it.

But then today happened.

And what is so special about July 3rd?

No, I didn’t spend the day on the lake or at a BBQ with friends and family. I was not sunbathing by the pool.

No.

My husband left for Other State, (the REALLLLY big state :) ) at 5am this morning. We woke up at 4:30, I talked to him while he showered. I made sure he hadn’t left anything crucial behind. We loaded the car with the snacks and drinks we bought the day before.

And we said our goodbyes.

I guess not goodbyes, but “see you soon”s and “call me if you’re bored”s and “let me know when you get there”s.

I didn’t cry, but I got a little choked up as he drove away. But it was also 5am, I was exhausted, and I headed back to bed. I said my prayers that he would have a safe trip, set my alarm for 9am and drifted back to sleep.

9am rolled around and I called him to check on his progress. More so I knew he hadn’t run into any problems and see if he had hit any traffic. He was chipper and in Arkansas. It was flying by and he was doing great.

And then it hit me. He was in Arkansas. And on his way to be even farther from me.

This is truly such an amazing and wonderful thing for him. I’ve said it a million times, but this is such a fabulous opportunity for him that there was never even a second where I didn’t want him to go.

Even today. I want him to be there. I want him to get these experiences and opportunities and make these connections.

But today, I’ve been a little mopey.

I’m not crying or balled up on the couch. I ordered some Chinese food and I’ve been watching SATC all afternoon. (Except when I went to Target and then got rained in for 30 minutes since I couldn’t see 4 feet past the door.)

I’m fine. I really am.

It’s just that even though he was in Mville, he was only an hour and 40 minutes away. I saw him on the weekends and he was still very accessible. I think that’s why it was easier to have all that alone time- I wasn’t truly alone.

But now? He’s, at minimum, a 12 hour car ride, away. 5 states separate us.

Other than Skype, I will not get to see him for 3 weeks.

And yes, I’m totally coming off as the whiny girl who apparently can’t be without her husband. And that kind of bothers me because that’s not who I am.

Marriage has just been so wonderful. I do love having him around and having someone to joke with and grocery shop with and go out to dinner with.

I guess these next 3 months will truly show what I’ve got and how much of an “independent woman” I really am.

For now, pass the chocolate ice cream and wine and turn up SATC.

5 Comments

Filed under A little More About Me, Confessions, Married Life

5 responses to “Hypocrite

  1. Being away from your husband is hard! I don’t think there’s any reason for you to feel bad about mopey that he’s not there. When my husband went to Hong Kong for two weeks, I hated it! Having him in the same country is good, and in the same city is the best. :) But Skype does help – seeing his face is great and will make you smile every time. Don’t worry, the summer will fly by.

    • It DOES help that I get to go visit him in Dallas in 3 weeks. He will actually be there for almost 7, so visiting halfway through will make it go by faster. And after I get back, my GA training starts so I will be busy. it’s just these first 3 weeks when I’m not working and have lots of free time that it will be hard. But thank you. And yes, Skype is wonderful!

  2. i can’t even imagine.

    the first few months i was in new zealand i was incredibly homesick. i found that thinking of it by total length was unimaginable, but taking it week by week was totally doable. and then it flew by and i was saying goodbye to yet another batch of friends.

    take it bit by bit, do your secret alone behaviors, and then the summer will be over before you know it.

  3. Poor girlie! I know it’s hard to be apart, but the time will FLY by. :)
    xoxoxoxoxo

  4. It’s totally okay to be sad without him. I know you’re enjoying your alone time, but it’s just not the same when they’re gone. And if your hubby needs anything while he’s in town, please give him my email. And let me know your plans so I can sneak in a hug!! Take care…the time will go by quickly!

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